


Moments to Be Remembered

by psychshuleslover2000



Category: Criminal Minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 16:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 33,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10857750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychshuleslover2000/pseuds/psychshuleslover2000
Summary: A series of one shots with everyone in the team, from Elle, to Emily, to Reid to JJ. And don't forget Henry! On chapter 41 now "Playing House." Rated Teen because it's Criminal Minds, I think that explains everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this about a year or two ago on fanfic.net and decided to move it over here. Hope you guys enjoy:)

"Hey Will?" JJ asked him as they were sitting on the couch at her house.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Can we make Spencer the godfather?" JJ asked him, a smile on her face.

"Yeah, I guess so, but why Reid?" Will asked.

"Because if anything happens to us, I trust Spence the most with our baby. He wouldn't let anything happen to him," JJ answered.

"Did you and Reid ever go out?" Will asked, out of the blue.

"What?" JJ asked.

"I don't know, it just seemed you two share a history or something. He acts differently around you," Will responded.

"I went on one date with Spence in 2006. I mean, we weren't a couple, but Gideon gave Reid two tickets to a Redskins game and told Reid to ask me," JJ answered, smiling at the memory. "It was his first real date... and even more, his first football game! I had to tell him what was going on...he was so confused," JJ laughed.

"I just know that out of everyone on the team, if anything happened to us the baby would be best off with Spence...He'll be a good dad when the time comes..."

Will smiled at JJ in understanding. "And what about the godmother?" Will asked.

"You can pick, I picked the godfather," JJ offered.

"I don't have anyone to pick, you choose," Will responded.

JJ thought for a moment, "I don't know. Emily or Garcia obviously... Emily would be so good with him, but Penelope would spoil him rotten... Penelope, I guess," JJ decided.

"At least we know if anything happens to us, the baby will be well taken care of between everyone in your team," Will laughed.

"Yeah, I hate that we actually have to worry that something could happen to us and the baby would be alone. I just hope it never comes to that," JJ whispered.

"It won't," Will said, kissing the top of hr head. "I promise it won't."


	2. Chapter 2

JJ walked back into the main cab of the plane, her eyes still watery with tears.

"You okay?" Prentiss asked her, as JJ sat down next to her. JJ nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I'm fine," JJ replied, leaning her head back on the head rest and closing her eyes.

Emily looked up at the rest of the team who were all sharing worried glances.

Hotch walked back into the main part of the plane with his coffee seconds later. Emily looked at him and mouthed, "Is she okay?" nodding towards JJ who was half asleep. Hotch nodded briskly, but his glance lingered on JJ in sympathy.

JJ could feel their eyes on her, but she ignored them. She fingered the necklace her sister gave her, just trying to remember her sister, but JJ was only eleven when it happened. The details of her sister were starting to fade and she hated herself for it. She felt another tear roll down her face, but kept her eyes shut tight, hoping to convince the others she was asleep. Before she knew it, she was dead asleep.

"Is she asleep?" Morgan asked Emily. JJ's head had fell on Emily's shoulder a good ten minutes ago.

Emily nodded, "Yeah, I think so. Hotch are you sure she's okay?" Emily asked him. She looked at JJ's tear streaked face. JJ was like a sister to her. Garcia, Reid, Morgan and Rossi all looked over at Hotch.

"Her sister committed suicide when JJ was eleven," Hotch explained. And really that was all that needed to be said. They all looked at the still sleeping JJ, with varying degrees of sympathy; Garcia looked like she wanted to burst into tears herself.

An hour later the plane was about to land back at Quantico. "You should probably wake her up," Morgan said quietly. Emily nodded.

"JJ, we're back," Emily said quietly, gently lifting JJ's head from her shoulder. JJ looked around sleepily, and ran a hand over her face.

"What?" JJ asked.

"You fell asleep," Emily answered. JJ nodded. The plane landed and Emily and JJ were the last two getting off, JJ trying to pack up all her files, Emily helping her. JJ stopped momentarily at a picture of Henry in the midst of all her files.

"JJ I know this case was hard on you," Prentiss started.

"Emily please don't..." JJ's voice trailed off, not sure what she was asking.

"I know. I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I'm here if you ever do," Emily said.

JJ looked her in the eye and nodded, "Thank you." She looked away and grabbed her now packed bag.

"I still have to fill out all the paperwork for the case," JJ said, attempting to change the subject.

Emily looked at her."J, why don't you take the rest of the day off and go home to Henry and Will. I'm sure the paperwork can wait until tomorrow morning," Emily offered.

JJ sighed and nodded, "Thanks Emily."

"Anytime," Emily replied, as the pair walked off the plane. It was then that JJ realized that while she may not have her sister, she did have Emily, Garcia, Spence, and the rest of the team who just as good as family.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These eventually get longer I swear

Emily looked around the conference room at her team she had grown to love. Her family. She saw the innocence that was somehow still present on Garcia and Reid's faces. She saw the pain on Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi's faces. She thought back to when she told Rossi about her being pregnant at 15 and the boy who saved her. She thought about his understanding. But how could they understand this? She thought about her undercover work with Doyle, having to pretend to be in love with him to build a profile. She thought about how the team would react to that, especially Reid, who was like a baby brother to her. Doyle was targeting families, and she knew why. But she also knew she didn't have a family by blood for Doyle to attack. He'd go after her team, who were as good as family to her.

And in that moment she realized she was completely alone.

She had to find Doyle and take him out before he hurt anyone else. She couldn't tell the team, risk putting their lives in danger. It had to be her. She had to become Lauren Reynolds again. Leave SSA Agent Emily Prentiss behind and pick back up where she left off 8 years ago. And she was terrified. She knew what Doyle could do, the connections he had. Which was exactly why she had to do this. She had to keep her family safe.

Emily took one last look around the room, around the place she'd grown to love, to feel safe in. The place that had become her home. She took one last look and slowly backed out. A move she hoped would save them.


	4. Chapter 4

"Spence," JJ grabbed his arm as he tried to walk away. The look on his face was heartbreaking and she felt horrible.

"I never got to say goodbye," Reid said, in probably the most broken voice she had ever heard from him. His eyes welled up with tears and JJ pulled him into a hug as he started to cry. She felt the unsteady rise and fall of his breathing against her, and one of his tears running down her back as she hugged him. And she in that moment she hated herself more than she ever had. She wished she could tell him, tell the whole team. Tears were running down everyone's faces, all believing they had lost Emily. But it was Spence's tears that hurt her the most. JJ hated that she knew Emily was going to be okay, going into protection, but she couldn't tell the team. It was moments like these that she hated her job. The moments when she had to lie to the people she loved, even if it was for their own protection.

After a few minutes, JJ pulled away from Reid, unable to handle his grief any longer. Especially when she was a part of it. Reid looked up at her in confusion as she pulled away.

"I'll be right back," she whispered to him, tears in her own eyes. He nodded, and Hotch followed JJ into the empty conference room.

"Hotch I hate this, look at all of them," JJ said, nodding through the window toward the team, who all looked crushed and defeated with tears running down their faces. "I hate knowing and not being able to tell Garcia and Reid. He was crying in my arms, Hotch!" unable to control it, her voice rose slightly.

Hotch looked down, back at the team and then at JJ again. "I know. I hate it too. But Emily agreed. She'd rather them think she's dead and keep them safe while Doyle is still alive," Hotch said.

"I know," said JJ. "I know, but look at them! Look at Reid and Garcia! This will destroy them. Not just them, the whole team!"

Hotch looked her in the eye. "Believe me, I know. It can happen. But hopefully Doyle will show up and get caught before that can happen."

JJ looked at him. "But do you really believe that will happen? He forced Emily, OUR Emily into hiding. Do you really think he'll slip up and get caught?" JJ asked. Hotch looked away as tears poured down JJ's face.

"Le's go back out there. They need us," Hotch said, confirming JJ's fears. JJ nodded as they went back out to the waiting room. Garcia and Morgan were hugging and crying, Rossi was sitting, staring at his feet, silent tears rolling down his face, and Reid had his head in his hands, tears streaming down his face.

"Hey," JJ said as she approached him. His eyes were bloodshot and she felt like she was going to vomit.

"Hey," he whispered as JJ sat down right next to him. She put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him towards her, hugging him.

"I'm sorry Spence," JJ whispered to him, the tears rolling down her face. And she wasn't just sorry that Emily was gone, but of course, Reid didn't know that. No one but Hotch knew what those three word really meant. That she was sorry he had to go through this when Emily was alive and safe, if scarred.

No one was sure how long they all stayed like that, just that it wasn't long enough. Just that they were all together, but incomplete without Emily.

"I miss her already," Reid whispered, just loud enough for JJ to hear.

"I know," she whispered back. "I know."


	5. Chapter 5

Emily's eyes fluttered open, and all she could feel was pain. She moaned and heard someone say,"She's awake!"

"Can you tell us your name?" Emily heard a nurse asked her.

"Prentiss. SSA Agent Emily Prentiss," Emily choked out.

"Let me see her," Emily heard someone say.

"I can't do that, Miss, it's against policy," a nurse said.

"Agent Jennifer Jareau, I work at the Pentagon. Let me in before I press charges," the voice said.

"JJ!" Emily tried to call out.

"Em, I'm here," JJ said.

"Did you get Doyle?" Emily asked.

JJ looked away. "That's what this is about. We didn't get him. We have to put you into protection," JJ said quietly. Emily felt her heart sink.

"It's not going to help. As long as he knows I'm alive, he'll go after you guys," Emily whispered.

"I know. That's why Emily Prentiss is going to "die." You'll be given a new identity in France, a few fake passports, and plenty of cash," JJ said, a tear running down her face.

"Can...can you send everyone else in?" Emily asked.

JJ shook her head. "They can't know," she whispered.

"They're all going to think I died too?" Emily asked, horrified.

"It's the only way Doyle will buy it. Everyone but me and Hotch will think you're dead," JJ answered.

"It's the only way, isn't it?" Emily asked, tears streaming down her face. "It's the only way to keep,all,of you safe."

JJ nodded. "I'm so sorry, Emily."

"Don't... don't let them mourn too much over me... I'm going to miss you guys. Tell them it's not their fault? Please?" Emily asked her.

JJ gave her a weak smile, "I will. Don't worry."

"How are you going to get me out of here with all these nurses?" Emily asked.

"We're going to say we're transferring you and you "die" in the process. The team will know nothing about that and will think you never made it off the operating table," JJ said quietly.

Emily looked away and stared off into space. "Do you know how many times I've had to fake my own death for undercover work? This is the first time I was sad to go..." her voice trailed off and tears rolled down her face. "God, I thought that bastard was out of my life for good when we put him away."

"When we catch him, you can always come back," JJ offered.

"Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?" Emily asked.

"Rhetorically?" JJ joked.

"Oh, don't turn into Reid on me," Emily joked back. JJ smiled, but the humor was short lived.

"We have to get this moving..." JJ said quietly, glancing away from Emily.

Emily sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm going to go out to the team. Someone else will be in here in a minute," JJ said.

"Okay," Emily responded in a choked whisper.

"I'll see you tomorrow in Paris to give you everything," JJ said.

Emily smiled, "I'll miss you guys."

JJ gave a half smile, "Trust me, I think we'll miss you more."

With one last smile JJ left Emily's hospital room with a heavy heart to give the team the news of Emily's "death." When JJ made it out to he waiting room, the moat prominent thought in her mind was "I really hate my job sometimes."


	6. Chapter 6

They were having him write Emily's eulogy. He hated them for it. But he understood why they chose him. He missed her so much, he didn't want to go up there in front of all of them and read about her and how much they were all going to miss her. It didn't even need to be said. But the team convinced him that it's what Emily would have wanted. His hands were shaking and he could already feel the tears in his eyes. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Spence, you okay?" JJ asked him, concern in her eyes. Reid nodded in response. JJ grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and Reid was thankful. JJ was the only one who could keep him down on earth. He loved her for it. In what way, he wasn't sure, he just knew that he loved her.  
In a few moments he would have to get up there and read what he wrote about Emily. But for now he just held on to JJ's hand like his life depended on it.

"And now we have a few words from Dr. Reid," Reid heard the preacher say. He reluctantly let go of JJ's hand and walked up to the front. He stared at the paper, the words he had written about Emily, but they seemed so weak. No words could ever summarize Emily; who she had been, who she had helped... Reid looked up at the mourners, at his team waiting for him to start.

"You know I wrote about her," he took his paper and held it up. "But no written paragraph can ever explain Emily, so... so I'm just going to talk about her... if that's okay. Emily was an amazing person. She helped so many people in her lifetime. And that's only that we know of. You know, recently we found out about a little boy Emily has been protecting for eight years, and she died protecting him. Emily was family to me and the team. She was like an older sister to me and I loved her. We all did. And I really wish I wasn't the one up here having to say this. I wish this didn't have to be said at all. I wish... I wish she was still here," the tears were running down Reid's face. "We love her and miss her... I just miss you Emily," Reid choked out the last words and went back to sit in his seat.

JJ had her arms opened and hugged him as he sat down, crying.

"That was really good Spence. I'm so sorry," JJ said. And once again, it wasn't just that Emily was gone. She hated seeing Spence, her best friend, in so much pain. And she could stop it... She was so tempted to tell him, but she knew she couldn't. She had to keep him and Emily safe. She kissed the top of his head. "I'm sorry Spence," she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

"You actually died?" Reid asked her, his voice high and scared. Emily nodded, studying him. The rest of the tram glanced at him in concern, especially JJ, but Reid didn't notice.

Reid stared at her. He didn't know why this new revelation scared him so much. Emily actually died. She coded and was revived. Somehow that made him feel even worse about her "death." Because she really did die. He actually did almost lose Emily. And the thought scared the hell out of him.  
Rossi's words snapped him out of his thoughts. "Reid, whats the best way to make sure the victims have an experience?"

Reid thought for a moment. "Keep them dead longer," he replied.

Reid was staring out the window of the jet, thinking about the past year. He was still hurt that JJ, his best friend, lied to him, but he understood why she had to do it. He understood she didn't want to keep the secret, but had to. For Emily's protection. And that thought brought him back to what had been bothering him all day. Emily died. She coded. Sure, they brought her back, but just the thought of her dying...

"Reid?" he heard Emily ask him tentatively, as she moved to sit next to him.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"You okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine," he answered, looking away.

"Reid... " she said, her voice trailing off. "Are you still mad?" she asked.  
Reid looked up, hurt in his eyes, "I didn't know you coded," he mumbled.

"And that's what's been bothering you all day?" Emily asked with concern. Reid didn't answer.

"Reid, I'm really sorry, you know that. Right? I hated having to out you all through that pain but it was that or let Doyle kill you all to get to me," Emily explained, almost desperately.

" I know," Reid whispered. "I just spent all that time thinking you were dead, and then you weren't. You were right there. You were back. And then I found out you coded and I realized how close we actually were to losing you," Reid answered. Emily reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"Reid, you're like a little brother to me. I'm not going anywhere, especially without saying goodbye," she said knowingly.

"How did you know about that?" Reid  
asked.

Emily nodded over towards a sleeping JJ. "She hated lying to you Reid. Don't hold it against her. One of the first things she said to me when I came back was how worried she was about you and how guilty she felt, and how she deserved you being mad at her," Emily said.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really," Emily answered. "We good?" she asked him.

Reid smiled. "Yeah, we're good."


	8. Chapter 8

"I think you're just upset that we were able to control our "micro-expressions" at the hospital," JJ said. She knew it was wrong to say, and she knew that wasn't why Reid was upset, but she needed to get him talking. But at his next words, she knew she went too far.

"Jennifer, listen, the only reason you could manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I cam to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth!" Reid yelled at her. She was shocked and her eyes welled up with tears. She didn't realize Reid was even capable of this kind of anger. Especially at her.

"I couldn't," she replied defensively.

"You couldn't, or you wouldn't?" Reid accused her.

"No, I couldn't," JJ was practically pleading now, all traces of defensiveness gone as tears rolled down her face.

"What if I started taking Dilaudid again, would you have let me?" JJ was shocked, speechless. She felt horrible.

"You didn't," JJ replied, as Reid continued to barrage her.

"Yeah, but I thought about it," he said accusingly.

"Spence... I'm sorry-" but Reid cut her off.

"It's too late, okay," Reid said, storming out of the room, leaving a crying JJ standing all alone, the rest of the team staring at her. JJ walked as quickly as she could to the nearest bathroom as her tears turned into sobs. She heard someone following her but she ignored them. She stood over the sink holding on to its sides, trying to stop her tears from flowing.

"JJ?" she heard Emily ask quietly, as she walked into the bathroom.

"JJ, you okay?" Emily asked, putting a hand on JJ's shoulder. JJ turned towards her.

"He hates me Emily," JJ said, her voice sounding the most broken Emily had ever heard from her.

"I'm sure he hates me too right now, Jayge," Emily consoled her.

"He doesn't hate you. He's to happy your back to be upset with you. He knows it wasn't your fault. But he has every right to be mad at me," JJ replied quietly, fresh tears springing from her eyes. Emily pulled her in for a hug.

"He doesn't hate you, JJ, he's just upset," Emily said. JJ nodded into her shoulder.

"That doesn't make me feel any better though, and that doesn't take his pain away," JJ replied, pulling away.

"Maybe not, but it's something," Emily replied.

JJ smiled slightly. "Yeah that's something," she replied, fixing her makeup and preparing to go bavck out to the team.

"Reid," Emily said to him. They were on the jet and everyone else was asleep.

Reid looked towards her, "Yeah?" he asked.

"Look, I know you're mad at me, which is understandable, but don't take it out on JJ," Emily said, almost harshly.

"She didn't tell me-" Reid started, but Emily cut him off.

"She couldn't tell you Reid. You know that. And I know JJ went too far saying you were just mad because hey pulled one over you, but you went too far too. You made JJ cry. The girl who I can count the amount of times I've seen her cry on one hand started crying in front of the whole team today. So if you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me, but you better not make her cry again," Emily warned him.

Reid looked away. "I didn't mean to hurt her that bad... I was just upset," Reid said, embarrassed.

"I know. And so does JJ, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't apologize," Emily told him.

Reid nodded and gave her a half smile. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?" Emily asked.

"For knocking some sense into me," Reid answered.

Emily smiled. "Any time, genius boy."


	9. Chapter 9

"Still no sitter?" Emily asked JJ as she got off the phone.

"My sitter is not available. Apparently I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a sitter on a Saturday night," JJ replied sarcastically.

"What's going on tonight?" Reid asked them.

"Oh, it was ladies night, but..." Emily started.

" I forgot to book a sitter," JJ finished for her.

"I'll do it," Reid offered. Henry was only three and he liked his "Uncle Spence." How hard could it be, right?

"Spence," JJ looked at him with slight worry.

"What? I've seen an episode of Mr. Belvedere," Reid joked.

"You've never babysat by yourself before," JJ replied, going into mom mode and thinking of all the ways that could go wrong.

"You know, he could do a couple of hours," Emily said to JJ.

"What could possibly go wrong?" Reid replied. He got a plane full of raised eyebrows at that one. "Okay, so I shouldn't use that phrase, but seriously JJ," Reid said.

JJ looked at him, considering the offer. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to leave him with you for a few hours so we can go out." Reid smiled as did Emily, if for different reasons.

"So what time do you want me there?" Reid asked.

JJ looked at Emily, "Seven-ish?" she asked. Emily nodded.

"Alright, I'll be there at seven," Reid said, smiling.

-7o'clock sharp-

Reid knocked on JJ's door, ready to see his honorary nephew. "Spence," JJ said happily. "Thank you so much, I love you for this! You're a life saver!" JJ said, giving him a quick hug and inviting him in.

"Henry," JJ called. "Come look who came to play with you!"

Three year old Henry came running out of his room clutching a stuffed elephant that Reid had gotten for him the day he was born. "Uncle Spence!" Henry squealed, running up to Reid and giving him a big hug.

"Hey little man! Ready to have fun?" Reid asked him, kneeling down to be eye level with Henry. Henry nodded enthusiastically. Reid looked up at JJ who was smiling ar him.

"Okay, Spence can you have him in bed by 8:30? There are strawberries in the fridge for his snack. Make sure to cut them small please. And he can watch ONE episode of anything on Nick Jr. or Disney Jr." JJ said, while running around and grabbing her purse and keys.

"Of course," Reid replied.

"Oh, and the story I read him before bed is on his dresser as are his pajamas. If he gets sick, there is ibuprofen in the cabnet. If anything goes wrong, you have my cell, and Emily's and Garcia's if I don't answer. Will's number is on the fridge, but try to het ahold of me first," JJ said. Reid nodded at her directions.

"Henry, baby, mommy is going to go out with Auntie Emily And Auntie Penelope, but Uncle Spence is going to stay and play with you, okay?" JJ said to Henry.

"Okay mommy," Henry said, hugging her and JJ kissed him on the top of the head.

"I love you baby. Be good for Uncle Spence for me okay?" JJ asked Henry.

"I know mommy, I love you too!" Henry said.

"Okay, bye sweetpea," JJ said.

"Bye bye mommy," Henry said, giving JJ one last hug. JJ stood up and turned towards Reid. "Okay, I'm going to go now. Thank you so much for this Spence," JJ thanked him again.

Reid smiled, "Of course. You hurry up before Emily and Garcia start wondering where you are. You three be careful and have fun. I got this," Reid said.

JJ sighed, "Okay, your right. And we will. Bye Spence," JJ said, giving him a hug and walking out the door.

"Okay, now that mommy's gone, what do you want to do little man?" Reid asked Henry.

Henry grabbed Reid's hand, "Come on Uncle Spence! I show you my toys!" Reid followed Henry to his bedroom.

"Look at this!" Henry said. "Cars! Dis is McQueen an Sally an Holly an Finn an Mater!" Henry said with classic little kid pronunciation.

"Wow, that's so cool buddy!" Reid said.

"And I have a racecar track for them! Wanna play Uncle Spence?" Henry asked.

"Sure thing! Vroom vroom," Reid made car noises as he and Henry raced their cars across the track.

"This one is a hero," Henry said, holding up Mater. "In the movie he saved people... like you and my mommy and my daddy do. Right?" Henry asked.

Reid smiled at the toddler, "Yup, just like that Henry."

"Uncle Spence, I'm hungry," Henry said to Reid after about half an hour of playing cars.

"Well how about I get you your snack from the fridge, and you can get your pajamas on. Then we can watch some TV," Reid said, pulling Henry's pajamas off the dresser and handing them to Henry before going into the kitchen.

Reid located the strawberries without trouble and cut the strawberries into Henry sized pieces, as per JJ's instructions. "Henry, your snack is ready," Reid called. Henry came into the kitchen fighting a losing battle with his pajama shirt, which he was trying to put on, backwards. Reid laughed at the sight of him. "Come here," Reid laughed, pulling the shirt off Henry and helping him put it on right.

Reid and Henry sat themselves in front of the TV, strawberries in hand. "What do you want to watch?" Reid asked him.

"Mickey Mouse!" Henry practically yelled.

"Mickey Mouse it is," Reid laughed, turning Mickey Mouse on. It was the episode where Mickey had to help Minnie get her bow boutique ready. They finished watching the episode, as Henry was starting to get sleepy. He yawned and layed his head on Reid's lap.

"You getting tired?" Reid asked him, checking his watch. It was 8:00, JJ said she wanted Henry in bed by 8:30.

"No," Henry lied, yawning again.

Reid laughed. "Come here buddy," Reid said, picking Henry up and carrying him to the bathroom. "We have to brush your teeth, then we can go to bed," Reid said. Henry nodded as Reid grabbed Henry's toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed the sleepy toddler's teeth.

Reid carried Henry to his bed. "Goodnight buddy," Reid said, ruffling his hair.

"Wait, uncle Spence! Can you read me the story?" Henry asked.

"Oh, of course," Reid said, grabbing the book off the dresser.

He read the book to Henry, and Henry was almost asleep, so Reid got up off the bed and put the book back and turned off the lights.

"Uncle Spence, can you stay in here?" Henry asked.

Reid smiled, "Sure buddy." Reid sat back down on the bed next to Henry as Henry fell asleep. Reid tried to stay awake, but by 12:00 he was exhausted. He was vaugley wondering where JJ was as he fell asleep next to Henry.

~~~~~5am The Next Day~~~~~~

JJ walked into her house, a cup of coffee in hand, trying to sober up some. She had a pounding headache and was starting to regret all those drinks she had with the girls the previous night.

She looked around, but didn't see Reid, so she went to Henry's room. What she saw warmed her heart; Henry was fast asleep, basically curled up into Reid's side, who was also asleep. She took out her phone and took a picture, smiling.

"Spence," she whispered, shaking his arm to wake him up.

Reid wiped the sleepiness out of his eyes as someone was shaking him.

"Spence," JJ whispered again.

"JJ," Reid asked, still getting used to his surroundings. "What time is it?" he asked.

"5:15. Sorry it's so late," she replied.

"Early actually," he replied, quietly getting out of Henry's bed as to not wake him up. "You smell like alcohol. How much did you have to drink?"

JJ looked at him, "Enough to realize I probably shouldn't have had the last few," JJ replied, clutching her coffee.

"Do you want me to stay and watch Henry do you can get some sleep?" Reid asked her.

JJ shook her head, "No it's fine Spence. Will will be home by 6:30 and we have to be at Hotch's triathlon by the time he finishes, thank you though. Was Henry good for you?" She asked him.

"Yeah, he was great," Reid said, smiling.

"Good, thanks Spence. I owe you," JJ said, giving him a hug.

"Anytime," he smiled. "Anytime."


	10. Chapter 10

Emily woke up from her nightmare in a cold sweat, tears running down her face. She had been at Interpol for three months now, and before this week her nightmares had almost completely subsided. This week, however, she had them every night. Always the same one. The team being killed by Doyle because if her. She grabbed her laptop and booked the earliest flight to Virginia that she could, before calling her boss and taking a few vacation days.

"Hey guys," Emily said, walking in the door to the BAU office, right as a bottle cap hit her in the forehead.

"Oww! Reid!" Emily said. JJ and Reid, who had been doing 'physics magic' looked up in surprise.

"Emily!" JJ and Reid say simultaneously, jumping up from Reid's desk.

"What are you doing here," JJ asks at the same time as Reid started apologizing for the bottle cap.

Emily laughed as Reid and JJ both ran over to hug her, "I decided it was time for a visit," Emily replied as Morgan, Rossi, Hotch and Garcia walked in.

"Emily!" Garcia practically screamed, running up to hug her.

"Hey Garcia," Emily said laughing.

"Rossi, Hotch," Emily said hugging each of them once Garcia finally let go of her.

"Emily, how are you?" Hotch asked her.

"Good, I'm doing good," Emily said. But Hotch could see through her facade. She had bags under her eyes and was nursing what Hotch guessed wasn't her first cup of coffe that day.

"Good," Hotch said.

"Oh! Where's Alex? She can meet Em!" Garcia said.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch this morning..." Alex said, but her voice trailed off when she saw the unfamiliar face.

"Alex, this is Emily Prentiss," JJ said, introducing the pair.

"Oh, so you're who I've heard so much about," Alex said smiling, shaking Emily's hand.

"All good I hope?" Emily joked.

"Of course all good!" Garcia interrupted. "Oh my gosh we missed you Em!" Penelope said, hugging Emily again.

"I missed you guys too," Emily said, laughing at Garcia's excitement.

"So, how's Interpol?" Reid asked her.

"It's good, actually. It's fun being in charge. Right Hotch?" Emily joked.

"I think it's just a lot of work," Hotch joked back as his phone rang. "Excuse me," he said, leaving to go answer his phone, leaving the rest of the group joking around.

"How's Henry?" Emily asked JJ.

"He's really good! He misses his Auntie Emily though. Do you think you could come visit before you leave?" JJ asked.

"Yeah of course! I can't wait to see Henry," Emily replied.

"How long are you staying, Prentiss?" Morgan asked.

"I'm not exactly sure... This was a bit of an unplanned trip," Emily replied nervously.

The group raised their eyebrows at her answer, but Emily was saved from having to explain further by Hotch walking out of his office. "Team, we have a case," he said.

"Oh I guess I better be going then," Emily said.

"Actually, Prentiss, I'd like to see you in my office. Garcia, wait for us before you start the briefing," Hotch said. The team looked at each other in confusion and Emily followed Hotch.

Hotch ushered Emily into his office and shut the door behind them. "Now, I know you didn't take an unplanned trip just to say hello, what did you fly here for?" Hotch asked her not unkindly.

Emily took a deep breath before remembering that it was her tell. "That bad?" Hotch asked.

Emily gave a small laugh, "I was fine for months," she started."Then this week the nightmares started again. The one where all of you were killed by Doyle and it was my fault," Emily admitted. "I just hoped that seeing you guys again would put my mind at ease," Emily said.

Hotch nodded in understanding. "Just remember if you need anything, we're all here," Hotch reminded her.

Emily smiled, "Yeah I know."

Hotch hesitated, "You know, we could always use some Interpol information on this case if you wanted to helo us under the radar on this one," Hoth suggested. "The team misses you."

Emily hesitated, "Well I don't want to interfere with anything," Emily said, thinking of Blake.

"You won't," Hoth assured her.

Emily hesitated, but then smiled, "I guess helping with one case can't hurt," Emily said. Hotch smiled and nodded towards the door.

"Well go on. They miss you," Hotch said.

"Thanks Hotch," Emily said with a smile.

Hotch nodded. "Any time


	11. Chapter 11

Emily, Garcia, and JJ were having one of their weekly brunches when JJ said, "You know, Will and I were going to go to Virginia beach this weekend, but my mom can't come down to watch Henry anymore."

"Oh, that stinks J," Garcia said. Emily opened her mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again, "You know, I could watch him for a weekend," Emily offered.

"Oh, I couldn't ask that of you Em," JJ said, shaking her head.

"No, no it's fine, really. I love watching Henry, I could do it," Emily said, gaining more confidence with her idea.

JJ opened her mouth to argue, but Emily cut her off. "JJ, really it's fine. I'd love to watch Henry for a weekend. Besides, it's not like I had any other plans."

JJ hesitated before answering, "Well I guess if you're sure it's okay with you and you think you can handle chasing after a four year old for a whole weekend," JJ joked.

"I think she'll do fine," Garcia said.

"Thank you Penelope. I can handle a four year old for one weekend," Emily said to JJ jokingly.

"We'll see what you say Monday morning," JJ joked back. "Just don't burn my house down."

"Hey if Reid can handle Henry for a girls night, then I can handle Henry for a couples weekend," Emily said.

"Oh, from what I hear, you have some tough competition! Reid did great with Henry!" Garcia teased her.

JJ nodded in agreement, "Yeah Spence did amazing with Henry," JJ said with a smile.

Oh, we're turning this into a competition now, are we?" Emily asked.

JJ and Garcia laughed, "We'll let Henry decide the winner. Whoever he says he had the most fun with wins," Garcia said.

"Oh, we're not making bets on who my son picks, are we?" JJ asked with a sigh.

Garcia and Emily laughed, " Tomorrow we'll have Hotch, Morgan and Rossi bet. Who are you betting on, JJ?" Garcia asked.

JJ looked at Emily, "I might just have to bet on our resident genius. Henry was talking about Spence for weeks," JJ said.

"Oh, that hurts J," Emily said with a laugh.

"Who are you betting on PG?" Emily asked Garcia.

"You of course, my salsa dancing, multi-lingual, badass," Garcia said, as if it was obvious. "Just don't tell boy wonder."

Emily and JJ laughed.

"I'm betting on Prentiss," Morgan said, after an excited Garcia explained the bet.

"I don't know, I think Reid might have this one," Hotch argued.

"Well I'm betting on my bellissima figlia* on this one," Rossi said, with a knowing smile at Emily.

"Alright everyone, losers owe the winners twenty bucks each when this is all over," Garcia said authoritatively.

There were some moans of how much money that was but Emily said, "Well I guess you two will be out twenty bucks each on Monday morning," addressing JJ and Hotch.

"We'll see about that," Reid fired back. "Henry loves me!"

"Well he loves his Auntie Emily more," Prentiss fired back.

"And Em, if you win Reid owes you thirty bucks, and if Reid wins, Em you owe him thirty bucks." Garcia said with an evil grin.

"Alright you two, we'll find out on Monday," Hotch said, preventing a full on argument between Reid and Emily at the new part of the bet. Damn that baby boy was fought over so much...

_Friday Night_

Emily stood outside JJ's door, wondering if this was really the best idea. A whole weekend of babysitting? She loved Henry, but wasn't sure just how well this weekend was going to go, despite the bet. She took a deep breath and knocked on JJ's door.

"Emily!" JJ said happily, inviting her in and giving her a hug. There were two small suitcases by the door, and Henry was playing with his blocks in the middle of the living room.

"Auntie Emily!" he said happily, discarding his blocks and running up yo hug her.

"Hi there di bell'aspetto*,"Emily said to him with a smile, picking him up and placing a kiss on the top of his head. Henry giggled at her Italian and JJ smiled at her.

"You might win this yet," JJ said to Emily.

Emily smiled, "You bet I will," she said with a grin and another kiss on Henry's forehead.

"Anyway, I'll tell you the same things I told Reid. Strawberries are in the fridge for bedtime snacks, he likes pancakes in the morning but cereal is fine if you want him bouncing off the walls all day from the sugar. There is some Chef Boyardee you can heat up. One hour of TV per day, anything on Nick Jr. or Disney Jr. and the book I read to him before bed is already on his dresser. Other than that, I don't care what you two do, just don't destroy the house," JJ said, listing everything she could remember.

"Don't you worry, we're going to have a lot of fun, aren't we di bell'aspetto?" Emily asked Henry.

Henry nodded enthusiastically. "Em'ly!" he shouted. "Fun!"

"You ready to go?" Will, who had just walked down the stairs, asked JJ.

"Yup, just about," JJ replied.

"Can Mommy get a hug and a kiss goodbye?" JJ asked Henry.

Henry nodded, "Bye bye Mommy. Love you," he said giving her a slobbery toddler kiss.

"I Love you too, baby," JJ said, hugging him.

"Daddy too?" Will asked.

"Bye bye Daddy, I love you," Henry said, giving Will a hug and a kiss.

"I love you too, Henry. Now you here be good for Auntie Emily, got it?" Will asked his four year old.

Henry nodded and will handed Henry back to Emily. "Anything happens, just call me," JJ said to Emily. Emily nodded, a smile on her face. "Of course mamma bear. Don't you worry, Henry and I will be just fine," Emily reassured her.

JJ smiled, "Oh, I know. Have fun you two," JJ said, giving Henry one last hug.

"Bye bye," Henry said, as JJ and Will finally walked out the door.

"So what do you want to do?" Emily asked the three year old.

"Tell a story!" Henry replied.

"Okay, let's go get a book," Emily said.

"No, you tell story," Henry said.

"Me? Do you want a real story Henry?" Emily asked playfully, racking her brain for a story she could tell a toddler.

Henry nodded enthusiastically. Emily took a deep breath, "Do you want me to tell you about all the places I've visited?" Emily asked him.

Henry nodded again. "I lived in a big place across the ocean called Europe for a long time. They had yummy food, boats, and spoke a different language," Emily started.

"Like when you call me 'di bellspit-o'," Henry asked, trying to pronounce the Italian word.

"Yup, just like that," Emily said. Henry listened in wonder as Emily told him stories of her travels, of yummy french food, and giant castles and ruins.

Around an hour later, eight o'clock, Henry was starting to yawn. "Are you getting sleepy there, mister?" Emily asked him.

Henry shook his head no, but another yawn gave him away.

"I think it's time for bed," Emily said, picking him up and carrying him towards the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Do you want to hear the story mommy always reads you?" Emily asked. Henry nodded sleepily, and Emily got the book down.

"Bedtime for Baby Star," she read. "Once there was a baby star. He lived up near the sun, and every night at bed time, that baby star wanted to have some fun…he would shine and shine, and fall and shoot and twinkle oh so bright.

And he said, 'Mommy, I'll run away if you make me say goodnight.'

And then his mommy kissed him on his sparkly nose and said, 'No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow, and even if you stray far, I'll love you forever 'cause you'll always be my baby star,'" Emily finished in a whisper. By the time she was done, Henry was out cold.

"Goodnight Henry," she whispered, shutting the door most of the way and shutting off the light.

Emily thought back to when she was fifteen. The decision she made. She wondered about it constantly. Wether it was the right choice. It seemed so simple back then, but now? She was wondering if she had given up her chance to have what JJ has. A beautiful baby boy... She shook her head and walked down the stairs to the couch, ready for some well deserved sleep.

The rest of the weekend passed without a hitch; Emily and Henry went to the park, made chocolate chip pancakes, and Emily even taught him some french.

All in all they had a pretty fun weekend, but Henry was looking forward to seeing his mommy and daddy. When Will and JJ got home Sunday evening, Henry was excited to see them, but none too happy at Emily leaving.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Henry squealed, as JJ and Will walked in the door.

"Baby! I missed you so much! Did you have fun with Auntie Emily?" JJ asked Henry, picking him up.

"Yeah! We went to the park and she told me stories!" Henry exclaimed.

"Thats great!" JJ said, turning to Will. "Can you go get him ready for bed? I want to talk to Emily for a minute," JJ said. Will nodded, picking his son up, leaving the two women in the living room.

"How was he?" JJ asked.

Emily smiled, "He was great. You've got a great baby boy JJ. You're lucky," Emiky said.

JJ nodded, "Do you ever want kids?" JJ asked her. "You're so good with Henry."

Emily looked stunned at the question, then her face turned to one of sadness. "Do you think sometimes you only get one chance with things in life?" Emily asked. "Because I think I gave up my chance a long time ago."

JJ's eyes widened in understanding. "How old were you?" JJ asked.

Emily adverted her eyes "Fifteen. I got an abortion," she replied quietly.

JJ looked at her with sympathy. "Emily, if that hadn't happened, would you want kids now?" JJ asked.

"But it did happen, JJ," Emily said.

JJ shook her head. "I know, but just humor me. If it hadn't happened, would you want kids now?" JJ asked again.

Emily hesitated before nodding her head 'yes.'

"Then you should go for it, Em. When you're ready and you've met the right guy, you shouldn't let something you did when you were fifteen dictate your life," JJ told her.

Emily looked away, "But who am I to want kids now when I've already given that up," Emily asked.

"Emily, trust me. Any kid would be super lucky to have you as a mom. You did what you thought was right when you were 15. That doesn't mean you should deprive yourself of raising a kid when the time is right," JJ consoled her. "From what I can tell, you're not the same person you were when you were 15. You've done so much good Emily."

"Yeah, sleeping with a killer to get a profile, then convincing my friends I was dead. I've done do much good," Emily said sarcastically.

Somehow, they weren't just talking about teenage Emily anymore, they were talking about now. About how insecure Emily was, coming back to the BAU. How she expected everyone to just up and leave her after the whole Doyle incident.

"Em, you did what you had to do. You did it to protect us, and even more you did it to protect Declan! You saved that boy single handedly, Emily. How do you not see that?" JJ asked her.

"It just doesn't seem like the good will ever balance out the bad. It's like a shadow- a constant reminder of all the pain I've caused, wherever I go. Reid is taking his anger out on you and Morgan can't even look me in the eye... How am I supposed to fix that? How am I supposed to fix me to a point where I can even take care of a kid?" Emily asked her.

"Emily... just give it time. They'll come around. They're just in shock. Emily they love you, I love you, and Henry practically idolizes his Auntie Emily! You need to realize that! You aren't a teenager anymore in a brokwn home with a politics absorbed mother. You have a family that loves you more than anything, and any qualms you have about raising kids are completly unsubstantiated. You are great with Henry and Jack. No one is saying you have to get married and have kids, but it's not a terrible option either," JJ tried to reason with her, make Emily realize what she had before she ran from it.

"How do you know that about my mother?" Emily asked.

"You don't need to be a profiler to figure that one out," JJ replied.

"I just wish that it didn't happen the way it did. Any of it," Emily said.

"I know. But you have to let it go eventually. What happened, happened. Everyone will heal eventually," JJ said.

"Thank you. For being here," Emily said with a half smile, opening her arms to gave JJ a hug.

"Anytime, Em," JJ responded. They broke their embrace as Will came down the stairs.

"Hey ladies, but Henry wants to say goodnight to his Mommy and Auntie Emily," Will said with a smile.

JJ gave Emily a look as if to say 'I told you so.'

"Of course," JJ said with a smile, walking up the stairs to say goodnight, Emily following her.

"Mommy! Emily!" Henry called out when he saw them enter the room.

"Hey sweetheart," JJ said, giving Henry a kiss on the fore head.

"Goodnight di bell'aspetto," Emily said, also placing a kiss on Henry's forehead.

"Goodnight mommy, goodnight Auntie Emily," Henry said, sleep already starting to overtake him.

"Goodnight Henry. I love you," Will said to Henry.

"I love you too Daddy..." Henry said with a yawn, as the three adults left the tierd toddler's room.

"You bringing him in tomorrow?" Emily asked JJ.

"Of course," JJ replied with a smirk.

"Why are you bringing him in tomorrow, I'm home?" Will asked JJ. Emily smirked as JJ answered, "Well you see, there was this bet."

"Involving Henry?" Will asked.

Emily and JJ nodded. "Of course there was," Will said with an amused smile. "Well thank you for watching Henry this weekend," Will told Emily.

"Yeah, thanks so much," JJ said, giving Emily a hug.

"Oh, of course," Emily answered.

"And think about what I said, Emily," JJ told her.

Emily smiled, "I will."

-Monday Morning-

"Hey little man!" Morgan said to Henry, who had just walked in with JJ. Henry gave him and Garcia hugs and high-fives before running up to Rossi.

"Hi grand-pére," Rossi laughed.

"Hi there Henry. Did Auntie Emiky teach you that?" Rossi asked. Henry nodded enthusiastically and the group laughed.

"Where Auntie Emily an Unle Spence?" Henry asked, raising his hands up in confusion.

Reid, who had been getting his coffee, came towards Henry, "Here I am Henry! What's up little man?" Reid asked.

"Uncle Spence!" Henry squealed, giving Reid a big hug.

"Auntie Emily?" Henry questioned again once Reid put him down.

"I don't know buddy," JJ answered him.

"Have any of you seen Prsntiss this morning?" Morgan asked them all. "She's usually not this late." The group shook their heads. A good five minutes of playing with Henry later, Emily walked through the BAU doors. "Sorry I'm late," she said, "I had to pick something up." Emily was carrying a large, blue gift bag that had tissue paper unceremoniously shoved in the top- done in the car, surely.

"What's that?" JJ asked her, pointing towards the bag.

"Just something for Henry," Emily replied, as Henry ran up to her ang gave her a hug.

"Hey, that's cheating! She's going to bribe the four year old to say she's better," Reid complained.

"Hey, I'll wait 'till after we ask him to give it to him," Emily said, amused, raising her hands up in surrender. Reid pouted, but nodded.

"You gonna ask him?" Morgan,asked JJ.

JJ sighed, "Alright, fine. Hey Henry do tou remember when Uncle Spence came to watch you?" JJ asked him. Henry nodded, obviously unsure of what was going on.

"Okay, who was more fun when they watched you? Uncle Spence, or Auntie Emily?" JJ asked him.

Henry bit his lip, still not sure what was going on with the whole team looking at him, "Auntie Emily," he said.

"Auntie Emily?" JJ asked him.

Henry nodded, "She told stowies!"

Emily smiled and picked Henry up, and kissed him on the forehead. Henry giggled as JJ, Reid, and Hotch groaned good naturedly and handed over the money to the other three.

"Here you go," Reid said grudgingly, handing Emily 30 dollars.

"Thank you, boy genius," Emily said with a smirk, putting Henry down. Reid smiled back at her.

"Wait, Henry come here for a minute," Emily called Henry, who was now playing with Morgan. "I have something for you." She held out the blue bag to the toddler. Henry enthusiastically opened the bag and pulled out the coloring book, crayons, a dog stuffed animal, and a pck of racecars Emily had gotten him.

"What do you say, Henry?" JJ reminded him.

"Tank you Auntie Emily," Henry said, giving Emily a hug.

"You're very welcome, Henry. Now go show your toys to Uncle Spence, huh?" she suggested, and Henry ran over towards Reid.

JJ smiled at Emily, "You know you really would be a great mom someday," she said as the two women watched Henry play with Reid.

"Thanks JJ," Emily said with a smile. And they both knew it wasn't just for the complement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I should throw some Italian in there for ya'll!
> 
> di bell'aspetto*- Italian for handsome
> 
> bellissima figlia*-Italian for beautiful daughter
> 
> grand-pére- grandfather (and some french!)


	12. Chapter 12

They were on the jet on the way home from their case when Hotch finally asked Rossi the question that had been bothering him all week.

"How did you know?" Hotch asked.

"How did I know what?" responded Rossi.

"About Emily. How did you know she was alive?" Hotch asked.

Rossi smiled slightly. "JJ," Rossi responded, nodding towards JJ who was asleep.

"JJ told you?" Hoth asked.

Rossi shook his head. "No, the way she was acting did. The way she was acting around Reid. The day it happened, the guilt of not being able to tell was so clear on her face as soon as she thought no one was looking," Rossi replied.

Hotch nodded. "It was hard lying to everyone. I'm sure especially for JJ lying to Reid. They're so close," Hotch said.

"How did they get so close anyway?" Rossi asked.

"Well back in 2006 Gideon tried to set them up and then in 2007 Reid got kidnapped and JJ blamed herself for it. I don't think she ever got over that," Hotch said.

"Why would she blame herself?" asked Rossi.

"Well this was back when JJ was still a liaison. Her and Reid were at a witnesses house. Reid suggested they separate, and JJ got attacked by dogs, which she had to shoot, and Reid got kidnapped. JJ later said to Morgan that if she had just had his back like she was supposed to it never would have happened," Hotch said.

"She's came a long way since then, hasn't she?" Rossi asked, although it wasn't really a question.

Hotch nodded, "And now with Henry, she's like superwoman, the way she manages home an work," Hotch said admiringly. "Sometimes I think I'm not there enough for Jack, and wish I was as good with it as JJ," Hotch admitted.

"Aaron, you do your best with Jack, and that's all anyone can ask," Rossi assured him. "By the way, how is Beth?" Rossi asked knowingly.

"Hotch smiled, "She's great. She finally met Jack and he loves her," Hotch said.

"See, you're doing just fine with Jack," Rossi said. Hotch smiled and nodded.

"Plus, one thing you have over JJ is your office is immaculate. Have you seen her office? It's like a tornado ran through there," Rossi joked.

Hotch laughed, "Well she does have more paperwork then all of us still," he said.

"Yeah, well let her keep the paperwork. I know I don't need anymore," Rossi laughed.

Hotch smiled, "Yeah I don't think any of us want anymore paperwork."

Hotch and Rossi looked over at JJ who was laughing with Reid and Emily.

"At least Reid is talking to her again," Rossi said.

Hotch grimaced, "I wish he hadn't treated her like that. It wasn't her fault. It was mine," he said.

"He was just hurt. That boy's had too much taken from him already. I think Emily's 'death' almost destroyed him," Rossi said.

Hotch nodded, "Morgan too. All he wanted was to avenge her death," Hotch said.

"They'll be okay. It's Emily I'm worried about," Rossi said.

"She'll be okay too. I'm not sure she'll be okay in the BAU, but she'll do what's right for her," Hotch replied.

Rossi nodded in agreement, the two men just happy their team was back together, and healing.


	13. Chapter 13

Emily stood in front of the church, just wondering. How much of what happened was because of her? Was it her fault that Matthew was dead? This case had brought back all of the emotions and memories of her past that she had tried to surpress for so long. Her mistakes, her failures... She failed him... He had given up so much for her. It was her fault that Matthew had started questioning everything. It was her fault that he went down the road he did. It was her fault. She had been on drugs too when she was friends with Matthew. Only nobody knew that. She pulled herself out of it. But she couldn't save him. Her family left Rome when she was 16. She left him to deal with his demons alone, when he had stood and faught for her, even when it went against everything he had been raised to believe. She betrayed him. He was there for her when she needed him most, but she wasn't there for him. She pulled out the picture of her, Matthew, and Johnny she always kept with her and just stared at it. And that's when the tears started. They fell down her face and hit the picture. It was all her fault. If only she hadn't been so stupid when she was 15. If only she hadn't made that one stupid decision! Matthew would still be here. And he would be okay.

She knew all these years that Matthew's parents blamed her for their son's self-destructive ways. She flashed back to a time when Matthew had first started on drugs, after she had her abortion. He had gone home high after being with her. His parents had seeked her out and pretty much cussed her out and told her what a worthless screw up she was. Told her that it was all her fault and that they wished she and Matthew had never met.

The memory hit her like a ton of bricks and her tears turned into sobs, as she sat down on the curb.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "So sorry Matthew." A few minutes later she looked up, suddenly realizing just how cold it was, and how far away she was from any form of transportation.

Wiping at her eyes, she pulled out her phone and pressed number 2 on her speed dial. "Hello?" Rossi answered.

"Hey, Rossi. Can... can you pick me up? I'm at the church," she said quietly, her voice shakey.

"Of course, Emily," Rossi replied. "You hang on. I'll be there in five."

"Thank you," she whispered.

It really did only take Rossi five minutes to get there. But that was pleanty long enough for Emily to continue her self loathing.

"Emily, you're freezing," Rossi said after taking one look at the broken woman. She was still sitting on the curb, her arms wrapped around herself, staring into the sky.

She looked up in surprise as Rossi walkes over to her and took her hand and gently pulled her off the ground. "Let's fo Emily," Rossi said, pulling Emily out of her daze.

"It's all my fault," she said.

Rossi looked at her, with sympathy, realizing how muh she hated herself for mistakes she made when she was a teenager, "Emily, look at me," he said. "This was not your fault. Do you hear me. It doesn't matter what happened in Rome. This was not your fault," Rossi said, trying to drill it into her head.

" I wasn't there for him," Emily said.

"Emily, you made a mistake when you were fifteen. That does not make this your fault," Rossi said.

Emily didn't respond, but allowed Rossi to lead her to his car. "Come on," he said. "Let's go Emily."

Emily nodded numbly, still thinking about Matthew. About the child she didn't have. About how she abandoned him. The guilt had been eating at her her whole life, and it finally broke her. But she followed Rossi anyway. Allowing him to help her. A step in the right direction.


	14. Chapter 14

It was the Sunday after Matthew's death, and the case was closed. Emily was about to open a bottle of her Italian wine when she heard a knock at her front door.

Not expecting anyone, Emily cautiously walked towards the door and looked out the peephole.

"Rossi?" She asked, opening the door. He was in a black suit carying an envelope.

"You ready?" He asked her.

"For what" she asked.

"Aren't you going to the funeral?" Rossi asked her. It was the day of Matthew's funeral, and Emily had no intention of going.

Emily shook her head, "I'm not welcome. I'm just going to let his parents greive in peace," she said quietly, with a defeated sigh.

"Emily, you have every right to go to this funeral, and Matthew's parents are just going to have to accept that. He was your friend," Rossi told her.

Emily shook her head, "No, Rossi. I can't. His parents basically told me that it's my fault that Matthew is dead. "

"If this boy went against everything he beleived to help you, then I think you deserve to go to the funeral. I think Mathew would tell you the same thing now as he did all those years ago," Rossi said.

Emily gave him a confused look.

"You go and you walk in there and you hold your head high," Rossi told her.

Emily gave Rossi a sad look. "But that destroyed his life, didn't it."

"No, his doubt and drug addiction ruined his life, and you didn't force him into that. That was a choice," Rossi argued.

"No, but if I hadn't-" Emily started, but Rossi cut her off.

"No but's, Emily. It wasn't your fault, and you have every right to go see him one last time," Rossi told her.

Emily sighed and sat down on her couch, crossing her arms. Rossi sat down next to her.

"Kiddo, you can't keep blaming yourself. It has to stop somewhere," Rossi told her.

"I just don't think I can handle the looks his parents are going to give me..." Emily said.

"I'll be right there with you kiddo, but I don't think you want to give up your last chance to say goodbye yo him," Rossi told her. Emily nodded, wiping away the tears that had started to form in her eyes.

"Yeah," she nodded again. "I-I have to get changed," she said, hurring into her room and changing into her three-quarter sleeve black dress and black heels before applying the appropriate makeup for the occasion.

"You ready?" Rossi asked her as she walked out of her room.

"Yeah," Emily said quietly. "Yeah I'm ready."

The funeral was held in a local church, about three miles away from Emily's apartment. When they got there, it was moderately crowded. Just enough for Emily to avoid having to talk to Matthew's parents. But that didn't stop,them,from glaring at her.

"Just hold your head high," Rossi said to her under his breath when she started looking panicked. Emily took a deep breath and nodded and the duo went and sat in the second row, right behind Matthew's parents.

The preacher started talking about God and how Matthew was now at peace from everything that troubled him, and Emily could only pray that was true. Matthew deserved that much.

At the end of the ceremony, Matthew's parents, the Benton's, made their way towards Emily and Rossi.

"What did you come here for?" Matthew's parents asked, venom in their voices.

"I came to the funeral of a friend," Emily replied, holding her head high as Rossi had told her to.

"You have no right to be here," Mrs. Benton said to her.

Emily looked away, but Rossi said, "Actually, she has every right to be here. Matthew was her friend, and she should be able to come and honor his life."

"This would nver have happened if Matthew never met you," Mrs. Benton said, ignoring Rossi and aiming her comment at Emily.

Emily looked up and said, with tears in her eyes, "Mr and Mrs Benton, I really don't want to argue about this here and now. I know you have a problem with me and I can respect that, but do you really think it's appropriate to be issuing blame now when we should just be remembering Matthew?" Emily asked, using the perfect mix of FBI Emily voice, and Emotional Emily voiceto embarrass Matthew's parents. The Benton's looked away, ashamed at their actions.

Rossi and Emily both handed them cards. "I'm sorry for your loss," Rossi repeated the statement the couple was bound to her thousands of times in the next few weeks.

"Mr and Mrs Benton, I really am so sorry," Emily said to them and they nodded before she and Rossi exited the church.

"Well you handled that well," he told her.

Emily sighed, "I just said what I knew would get to them. Thank you, Rossi. For being here for me these past few days." She said.

Rossi gave her a smile, "That's what family's for. Now what do you say we fo to my house and drink some crazy expensive Italian wine?" He asked.

Emily laughed, "That sounds great." She smiled, and followed Rossi to the car. And with that smile, Rossi knew she was going to be okay.


	15. Chapter 15

Reid looked in the mirror at his appearance. He was wearing jeans and a button down shirt. (Morgan advised him to ditch his usual khaki pants.) He smiled into the mirror before getting in his car to go pick up JJ. Ten minutes later he found himself knocking on her door.

"Spence!" JJ opened the door. "Here, come in. I have to go grab something." Reid nodded awkwardly, smiling at her. She was wearing jeans, a t-shirt,a redskins jersey, and a baseball hat with the redskins logo. She ran into her bedroom, grabbed her purse, and her extra redskins hat.

"Here," she said, putting the hat on Reid's head. "You have to show support for the team," JJ said at his confused look.

"Right," he replied. "Well are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah," JJ said, following Reid out the door. He opened the car door for her before getting onto the driver's seat. The car ride was one of comfortable silence once JJ turned on a country radio station.

"You like this?" Reid asked her.

"Yeah, what do you listen to?" JJ asked him.

"Beethoven," answered Reid.

JJ rolled her eyes and smiled. "Of course you do," she said.

Twenty minutes later the pair were at the football game and were attempting to make their way through the crowd. "Why do people enjoy this," Reid asked her.

"The crowd in the beginning is a small price to pay to see the game," JJ answered. Reid nodded disbelievingly. They evenually got to their seats and got settled with popcorn and hot dogs Reid bought for them at the snack line.

"Can... can you explain to me what's going on when the game starts?" Reid asked her.

JJ smiled. "Of course. I still can't believe you've never been to a football game before though," JJ said.

"Yeah well, sports wasn't really focused on much after my dad left. I played baseball when I was really little though," Reid said.

"Were you good?" JJ asked him.

"Even in child standards I was terrible," Reid said with a grimace.

"You couldn't have been that bad," JJ said.

"Trust me I was," Reid replied.

JJ laughed. "Here catch," she said throwing a piece of popcorn towards his face. Reid reached up with his hand to try to catch the popcorn, but it fell on the ground.

"No with your mouth," JJ laughed. "I'll try to throw it into your mouth," JJ said. Reid attempted to catch the popcorn in his mouth as JJ threw another piece at him, but it ended up hitting him in the nose.

"Here, give me that," Reid said, taking the popcorn and throwing it at JJ. She caught it, successfully showing him up. Reid laughed and threw another piece at her, not specifically aiming and a popcorn food fight broke out between the two. They finally stopped, laughing, when about a quarter of their popcorn was on the ground around them.

About an hour later JJ was trying to explain football to the boy genius.

"Wait, what just happened?" Reid asked JJ for the hundreth time that evening.

"The other team just got a touchdown," JJ explained.

"That's bad, right?" Reid asked.

"Yes, for us it is. It's good for the other team," JJ replied. Reid nodded.

By the end of the game Reid could sort of understand football... well better than he could at the begininng anyway. The Redskins won 35-34, winning only by an extra point kick.

"Now that wasn't terrible, was it?" JJ asked him, slinging an arm around Reid's shoulder and Reid hesitantly put an arm around her waist, making JJ smile at his shyness.

"No, it was actually kind of fun," Reid said with a confused smile, not understanding how he found sports fun. He guessed it wasn't the game at all-just spending time with JJ.

JJ smiled at his reaction, "See, I told you," she joked.

"Yeah," Reid laughed. "You did."

A half an hour of traffic and driving later, Reid and JJ were back at JJ's apartment.

"Thank you Spence. Tonight was great. It was the most fun I've had in a long time," JJ said with a smile.

"Yeah, me too," Reid replied, smiling like an idiot, he was sure.

JJ stood on her tippy toes and gabe Reid a light kiss on the lips, "Goodnight Spence," she said, opening her apartment door.

"Good-goodnight," a shellshocked Spencer Reid replied, watching her head into her apartment before heading down the steps to his car. He touched his lips, his mind in a fog, and couldn't help but wonder if he was ever going to get the chance to kiss her again.


	16. Chapter 16

JJ walked towards her desk and put her head in her hands and sighed.

"You okay?" Kate asked her.

JJ looked up at her, "Henry wants a dog," JJ said.

Kate looked at her in confusion, "All kids want dogs. I mean, I vetoed that with Meg, but what's really up?" Kate asked.

"Will told him we can get one," JJ said with annoyance.

"Oh no, that's..." Kate laughed as Reid walked up towards the duo.

"What's up?" Reid asked.

"Will told Henry we could get a dog," JJ said.

"You don't do dogs," Reid said.

"Wait, why don't you do dogs?" Kate asked her.

Reid looked at JJ nervously. "Well ever since I got attacked and had to shoot a couple, I haven't been to fond of dogs," JJ answered.

"Oh, well that makes sense... Did you get attacked on a case?" Kate asked.

JJ nodded, "It was one of our worst cases." Reid and JJ shares a look, which didn't go unnoticed by Kate.

"Am I missing something?" She asked.

"I was kidnapped during that case," Reid said quietly.

"Oh, sorry I asked," Kate said with a slightly embarrassed look.

"No, it's fine. It was a long time ago," Reid said.

Kate nodded and smiled, but JJ still looked miserable.

"You could get a small dog," Kate suggested.

"Or no dog," JJ said sarcastically, "How the heck are we even supposed to take care of a dog with our jobs?" JJ asked no one on particular. Kate and Reid just shrugged.

"Just use veto power like I did," Kate said. "Take Henry out for ice cream, he'll forget all about it."

JJ laughed, "It's worth a shot."

"Hey ducklings, what are we talking about?" Garcia asked, walking up to the trio.

"Will promised Henry a dog," Reid said.

"Oh, you don't do dogs," Garcia said to JJ, making a face.

JJ laughed, "Yeah, Kate said to use veto power against it."

"I agree. And I'll buy Henry a stuffed dog and a new ball or something," Garcia said.

"No no Penelope, it's fine. You've bought my son enough stuff," JJ said with a laugh.

"Hey, I'm his fairy Godmother, I'm supposed to buy him stuff. I like shopping okay," Garcia said stubbornly.

JJ sighed, knowing she was never going to win this argument with Garcia. Kate and Reid shared an amused look at the exchange.

"Team, we have a case," Hotch called from his office, breaking up what had become a JJ pity party.

"Will?" JJ called into the house when she got home after their case.

"In the kitchen," Will called back.

She walked through the kitchen door and stood in front of him. "We are not getting a dog," she said. "I am using my veto power here, no dogs."

Will gave an amused look at her seriousness. "And why is that, Jayje?"

She gave him a look, "That is a story for another time," she said with a shudder.

He smirked at her, "What are you going to tell Henry?"

"I'll take him out for ice cream and to the Zoo to play with the pigeons," she said.

"Distraction. Good tactic," Will said with a smirk.

JJ nodded, "Now, I don't know about you, but I am exhausted," JJ said.

Will smirked at her, "You've got to tell me this story of how you came to hate dogs first," he said.

JJ sighed and nodded, not looking forward to that, but relieved to have one potential disaster adverted...


	17. Chapter 17

She looked down at the necklace in her hand with the pretty pink stone, before pulling it's box out of her desk. That necklace had comforted her in the first few weeks after her sister's death, but since then she could barely look at it. It was just a reminder of what she didn't have, and could never get back.

She couldn't understand how a teenage girl, even if she was a psychopath, was able to kill her little sister. And then not feel bad about it. Little sisters looked up to their older sisters. Trust them. Its just wasn't fair. Any of it- what she saw every day, what happened to her sister... She felt a tear roll down her cheek just as she heard a knock on her office door.

"You okay?" Reid asked her, as she looked up in surprise.

JJ wiped away the tear and gave him a half smile, "Yeah, I'm fine Spence."

"You sure, cause while I'm not a genius or anything, you don't look fine," he joked, but there was serious beneath it.

JJ smiled at his joke and his concern, "Really, Spence. I'll be alright. This case just... hit a little close to home," she replied.

Reid nodded, "You know, it's only 5o'clock. You can call Will and have him and Henry meet us all for dinner," Reid said.

"That would be great," JJ smiled. "Where are we going?"

"Morgan and Garcia were talking about that Chinese place that just opened, if Henry will eat that," Reid replied.

JJ nodded, "Yeah, I can just get him some chicken and rice. He loves rice," JJ said with a smile.

"Well we're leaving in 15 so, we're meet you there?" Reid asked.

JJ nodded and Reid left her office to go pack his stuff up. JJ looked down at the necklace again before replacing it to it's designated spot in her right desk drawer and picking up her cell phone.

"Hey, Will? You two want to meet me and the team at that new Chinese place I've been telling you about?" JJ asked him.

"I dunno, you wanna ask Henry?" ask Will said with his usual southern drawl.

"Mommy!" Henry said rather loudly into the phone.

"Henry! How are you baby?" JJ asked her four and a hald year old.

"Good. I miss you mommy. When you come home?" Henry asked.

"I'm on my way. Do you and Daddy want to come with me to dinner?" JJ asked him.

"Yeah! Yay!" Henry said happily.

"Okay, good. Can you hand the phone back to Daddy, sweetheart?" JJ asked.

JJ heard the muffled noises of the phone changing hands before Will asked, "So we'll meet you guys there?"

"Yeah, I'm about to leave now," JJ replied.

"Alright Jayje, we'll see you in a few," Will said.

"See ya," JJ said, hanging up her phone and sighing deeply before gathering her stuff to leave.

She walked out of her office and joined the team and they all walked out together, ready for some food and conversion that didn't involve UnSubs and signatures.

"You good?" Reid asked her as she was getting into her car.

"Yeah I'm good. Thanks Spence," she smiled at him and he nodded, walking towards his car. She took a deep breath and started the engine of her car. She looked at the picture on her dashboard of Will, Henry, and herself and smiled, realizing just how lucky she was to have them. The drive to the Chinese place was a short one, and the rest of the team and Will and Henry were already there, waiting when she go there.

"Mommy!" Henry squirmed down from Will's arms and ran towards JJ as she walked towards them.

"Hey Henry! I missed you so much," JJ picked her 4 year old up and gave him a hug.

"I missed you too mommy," Henry said, hugging her back. JJ saw the rest of the team smiling at her and she carried Henry over towards the rest of the group.

"Ready to eat?" JJ asked them.

Everyone gave sounds of agreement and they all walked into the restaurant to get a table. They were seated and ordered their food, talking about everything and anything as long as it didn't have to do with dead bodies.

JJ smiled at the scene around her: Reid playing with Henry, Morgan, Hotch and Will joking around, and her, Penelope and Alex talking. She wished they could do this more often, but their busy schedules didn't allow that.

JJ snapped out of her little moment and went back to telling the story with Penelope about the time at a bar when they humiliated a guy pretending to be an FBI agent by pulling out their badges. And she knew that days like these, surrounded by their family, is what kept her whole team sane. Because apparently all you need to counter serial killers is a night out with your family.


	18. Chapter 18

Hotch rubbed a hand over his eyes in frustration. Now that Blake was gone, they needed a new agent and none of the nine people he interviewed seemed fit for the job. He knew hat what he was about to do probably wouldn't work out, but he was getting desperate. He pulled out his phone and dialed the all too familiar number

"Hello?" the voice answered after a few rings.

"Hi, Emily. It's Hotch," he said.

"Hey Hotch! How's the team? Is everyone okay?" She asked. The last time she had gotten a random call in the middle of the day from Hotch, JJ had been kidnapped and she was hoping this wasn't going to be a repeat.

Hotch half smiled, "Everyone is fine, Emily. I just wanted to ask you something."

"Help on a case?" she asked. Hotch heard the enthusiasm to help in her voice, and prayed that maybe she would take his offer.

"Actually, no. The team seems to be one member short since Agent Blake left, and I have interviewed nine people, and none fit. Not like you did Emily," Hotch said.

"Are you implying what I think you are?" She asked.

"Emily, will you consider the position?" Hotch asked.

Emily sighed. "That's not a good sign," Hotch said.

"I always forget that's my tell," Emily laughed, and Hotch smiled slightly.

"Hotch, you know I love you guys, but I love my job. I loved working at the BAU too, but the job is just too difficult to go back to," Emily explained.

"I understand, but I had to try. The team misses you, Emily. You should visit more," Hotch said.

Emily smiled, "I'll try. I have, however, been following your cases and I have a suggestion on who to hire."

"Really?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah. Detective Kate Callahan. You've worked a case with her before. I'll email you her file," Emily suggested.

"Alright. Thanks Emily. And if you ever do want to come back, you always have a place here," Hotch said.

"Thanks Hotch," Emily smiled and after a minute or so of small talk, Hotch hung up. He looked down at his computer screen where an email from Emily popped up with Kate's information and case records. He sighed and had to admit, Kate's record was amazing. And that's when he decided that if he couldn't get Emily back, he would take her suggestion and give Kate Callahan a shot.

He looked up from his files when he heard Garcia start talking loudly and happily to Morgan, Reid, JJ and Rossi.

"I just got an email from Emily! She's flying out to visit next week!" Garcia said. Hotch smiled as he got another email.

"Has Pen freaked out yet?" Emily had sent him.

"You dont know the half of it," he sent back, with a smile on his face. While Emily may not be part of the BAU anymore, she was definitely still oart of the BAU family...


	19. Chapter 19

"She quit?" Reid asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. She turned in her badge and gun," Hotch answered.

"It's probably for the best. That guy destroyed her," Gideon added at the looks on the other agent's faces-mostly Reid who looked shocked. Morgan, JJ and Garcia just looked sad.

"Back to work everyone," Gideon said with a troubled look on his face. Morgan, JJ, and Garcia nodded, but Reid stood in place, as if paralyzed.

"Reid, you okay?" Morgan asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Reid said shaking his head and sitting down at his desk. He tried to focus on the papers in front of him, but he couldn't. He just wondered if things would have turned out differently if he had told someone that he thought something was up with Elle. Eventually he couldn't just sit there any longer. He got up and knocked on Hotch's office door.

"Come in," Hotch said.

"Has anyone talked to Elle?" Reid asked.

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked.

"I mean, I know she refused the psychological eval, but has anyone just talked to her?" Reid asked.

"She won't talk to me or Gideon. She claims she's fine and that it was self-defense," Hotch answered.

"Yes, but she has PTSD. She faked it well at first, but she obviously still has it from getting shot. I-I talked to her the day before she shot that guy and she claimed she was fine then too, but she was drinking. She just doesn't want to look weak. If left to her own devices, this could destroy her," Reid finished quickly, trying to explain what he believed.

"She has refused help, Reid, and she quit. There is nothing more I can do for her," Hotch said, going back to his paperwork, dismissing Reid.  
Reid opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it and awkwardly went back to his desk.

"Spence, you sur you're okay?" JJ asked him, giving him a concerned look.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Reid nodded, giving her a half smile. She studied him for a minute but nodded and went back to her desk.

The rest of the evening passed slowly, until Reid and thr rest of the team were able to leave.

Reid got in his car, debating whether or not he was making the right choice. Elle had changed so much in the past six months it scared him. He knew no one else was going to talk to her-not with her quitting...

He pulled up to her driveway ten minutes later and hesitated before knocking on the door. A moment later, Reid found himself with a gun to his chest, Elle looking almost terrified.

"Oh, it's you," Elle lowered her gun bu didn't move out of the doorway.

"Can- can I come in?" Reid stuttered.

"What do you want?" she asked him harshly, but Reid could hear the tiredness in her voice, despite her cold facade.

"I just want to talk," Rrid said with understanding. He looked past Elle, into her house and saw cardboard boxes on the ground, filled with pictures, CD's, books, and other of Elle's possessions.

"Are you moving?" He asked her. At the question, Elle finally lowered her guard and moved away from the door, letting Reid in.

"Yeah," she said softly, picking up her cup that contained some sort of alcohol. "I just don't feel safe here anymore," Elle continued packing things up, stopping momentarily at a picture of her and her father from when she was a kid.  
"You know, Elle, yo don't have to deal with what happened by yourself-"

"I shot him in self defense, Reid-"

"That's not what I'm talking about. You know when traumatic things happen to you when you're young and something else traumatic happened later in life it can re-trigger PTSD," Reid said.

"How do you know about that? The only people who were supposed to know about that were Gideon and Hotch," Elle said.

"I deduced. You transferred from sexual crimes and you only got really upset when we had a case specifically dealing with rape... and in light of recent... events," Reid answered.

"Yeah. Okay, genius boy I get the point, but I am fine," Elle replied, throwing herself back on the couch and crossed her arms.

"If you were fine you wouldn't have quit," Reid said. Elle didn't reply but avoided his gaze.

"Elle, you should talk to someone. I know you don't want to but..." his voice trailed off as Elle's eyes welled with tears.

"Do you think I did it?" She asked him.

"What?" Asked Reid, shocked.

"Do you agree with Hotch and Gideon?" She asked again.  
Reid looked at her, searching for remorse on her face, but there was none. There was pleanty of fear and anger, but no remorse.

"I think...I think whatever you may have done, you have PTSD, Elle. When you have PTSD, you don't think straight, so it's not your fault," Reid said cautiously, avoiding the actual question.

Tears were rolling down Elle's face. "He deserved it. That bastard deserved it. He raped those girls in their home, the place where they should have felt safe," Elle said, standing up, her voice shaking, tears rolling down her face.  
It was very close to a confession and Reid hoped she wouldn't completely give him one. He didn't want to have to arrest her. Even if she did confess, he still wasn't sure he would turn her in.

"We may not have been there for you when you got shot, Elle, but we're here for you now. You can talk to us-to me about what happened. It doesn't make you weak. Just because you're an agent, you don't have to do this alone," Reid told her.

"Were," she said softly.

"What?" Reid asked.

"Just because you were an agent... I gave it all up. What I've wanted since I was a kid. I don't regret shooting him, I just regret the fact that I can't help anyone anymore," she said quietly, finally breaking down in to tears. Reid pulled her into a hug as she cried. He guessed it was the first time in a long time she let herself break down.

"You don't need to be an agent to help people, Elle. You don't need to be on the field to help." Reid said quietly. "But before you can help anyone, you need help."

Elle pulled away from the hug, wiping tears from hr eyes and regaining her composure. "Where do I start?" she asked. Reid smiled, thanking god that he got through to her. He looked around the room and saw an empty bottle of alcohol and another bottle a quarter of the way gone. He picked it up.

"First we get rid of this," he said, showing it to Elle. "It doesn't help." Elle bit her lip, but nodded anyway. Reid opened the bottle an poured it down the sink.

"And now?" she asked,

"I help you pack. You're right about that. No one would be able to feel safe here after what happened," he replied. "And tomorrow you schedule an appointment with a psychologist." Elle looked like she was going to argue, but Reid cut her off.

"Yes, it's necessary. Elle. It will help, I promise." Elle bit her lip and nodded again.

JJ came up to Reid the next day at the BAU office, "Did you go talk to Elle?" JJ asked him.

Reid looked up at her, "How did you know?" he asked.

"You aren't the only one who can profile, Spence," JJ joked. "I knew you would want to help her." Reid nodded.

"So how is she?" JJ asked.

Reid smiled slightly, "I think she'll be okay eventually."

"Good. You're a good guy, Spence," JJ smiled at him and ruffled his hair before walking away.

Reid sat back in his chair and smiled, knowing that he was helping Elle. Knowing that he was doing the right thing.


	20. Chapter 20

Emily opened the door to her apartment, her head hurting like hell from the UnSub hitting her with that block of wood. She rubbed her head and wandered over towards her window, which overlooked the city. She looked out at the lights and wondered how such terrible things could happen in something that looked so beautiful from far enough away. She wondered why, after everything she had seen, all her difficult, painful, and downright shitty jobs, why this job was different? Why she missed it and was so glad to be back, even with everything they saw everyday?

She knew the team was a close knit family, and she knew they didn't accept strangers right away. But she hoped that she proved, to Hotch at least, that she was worthy of being part of that family. That she'd rather quit then ruin what the team already had. She knew they didn't completely trust her, but she wanted this job more than anything. She was actually helping people. She may have still been profiling, but at least she wasn't sleeping with killers to do it. Besides, she was good at profiling. And with this job, it saved lives. And that was something she was proud of.

She slowly made her way towards her kitchen, and popped open a bottle of wine, considering she couldn't sleep with her minor concussion. As she poured her wine, she hoped that this job would be it. It would be the one that she could keep, without leaving her too damaged, and she hoped she could truly be part of the BAU family.

Hotch sighed, parking his car and walking up his front steps. He got Prentiss back, and quite possibly secured his own job, but he wasn't sure he was even going to keep it. What would Haley think? He told her it was the last case. And she told him there would always be another case. And another, and another, and another. And he ignored her because the team needed him. That was where his loyalty lied. And he was finally questioning if that was where his loyalty should lay? Wasn't he supposed to be loyal to his family first, and then his job?

But Haley didn't understand. The team was just as much his family as any blood relatives. Even Prentiss, who was still working so hard to gain everyone's trust. But he knew Haley wouldn't agree. He had a responsibility to his wife and son, and that is what he was supposed to be honoring. But it wasn't that cut and dry. Did he like playing the hero? No, he dismissed that idea immediately. He was just experienced-the team needed his assistance.

He sighed again and unlocked the front door. He stepped through the threshold. "Haley?" he called quietly. But she didn't answer. He made his way upstairs to the bedrooms, but neither Haley nor Jack were home. And he realized: He got his team and his job back, but he had already lost his wife and son. And he wasn't sure it was worth it.

Erin Strauss walked through her office door, the crime scenes still fresh in her mind. Everything was so easy and simple from behind a desk. The politics was so much easier for her to handle then being out in the field. Than seeing those dead women. She had stepped on the woman's hair. The thought made bile rise in her throat. It was horrible.

She suddenly understood the teams less than stellar protocol on their cases. Field decisions were so much harder to make then they looked on paper. Actual people's lives hung in the balance. And after stepping in the shoes of the BAU members, she had a greater respect for them, and everything they did. She had no right to be questioning Hotch's field decisions now that she had seen how everything really goes down. She wondered how they did it? How they dealt with everything? Here she was all choked up after one case, and they did this every day. Especially the young ones- Agents Jareau and Reid. They were so young for their positions and what they dealt with. And while she would never admit it, she admired the whole team.

She once again thought back to those crime scenes, and the thoughts made her want to vomit. The pictures wouldn't leave her mind, and the victims mangled bodies floated through her head. She reaches into the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a bottle of alcohol. She didn't look at the kind, just that it was strong. So she poured herself a glass and tried to get the haunting images out of her mind.

Spencer was getting worried. It wasn't like Gideon to just not show up for work, or for their chess matches. Even if he had just been through trauma. Spencer realized that Gideon was probably fine, just emotionally unprepared to come back, but he had to check on Gideon anyway. He knew he just wouldn't feel right until he made sure.

Reid got into his car and started off towards Gideon's cabin, as that was where Hotch said Gideon would likely be. Two hours later, Spencer arrived at the cabin. He pulled out his flashlight and made sure his gun was loaded and attached to his belt. Spencer knocked on the door, but no one answered. He tried the knob. It was open. The cabin was mostly empty, and his heart dropped when he saw what was on the table.

Gideon's badge and gun, and an envelope. He should have known. Gideon had left, and he wasn't coming back. Reid understood why, of course, but it didn't make it hurt any less. He looked at the envelope. It had his name on it. He curiously opened it, and read Gideon's goodbyes. He was really leaving. This was it. The letter explained everything: the job was just to hard, he couldn't stay now that Sara was gone... Reid understood why Gideon had to leave... He just didn't want him to. He felt tears unwillingly roll down his face. His mentor and friend left.

Reid numbly picked up the letter, the gun and badge and went back to his car. He just sat there for a moment, before starting the engine. Hoping that the job didn't get to him like it got to Gideon. And wondering how he was going to tell the team what happened. As he drove away from the cabin, his mind was filled with questions but somehow he knew he wasn't the only one with questions that night.


	21. Chapter 21

"Yeah, I have a problem with that!" Morgan said loudly. Emily was alive and Hotch didn't tell them? Of course he had a problem with that!

Everyone's eyes shifted to a point behind him, and mouths opened in shock and eyes watered with tears. He turned around and there she was. Emily. Alive and well. Yeah she looked like she had lost some weight, and yeah her shirt was way too baggy, but she was okay. He took two small steps backwards ms his eyes welled up with tears, but he blinked them away.

Emily hugged JJ, Reid and Garcia apologizing the whole time, until she looked towards him ms saw his face. Shocked, hurt and broken.

"Really, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that," Emily said to the group, though it was mostly directed at Morgan. She moved towards him and hesitated a moment before hugging him, just a little bit longer than completely necessary. He hesitated before hugging back, but when they broke apart, Emily was straight back to business. She needed to find Declan. He was like a son to her-she had known him since he was four, and had been protecting him all along.

Morgan just watched her interact with everyone, watched her slide almost back into her old self for a moment, before it was painfully obvious she wasn't her old self, and no one could accept her quite yet. They lost her. Yet here she was. He couldn't get it through his head. How could she do this to them? How could she leave them all? How could Hotch, and he assumed JJ, keep this from them. The rest of the team was allowed to believe Emily was dead. They were a family, god damn it! You don't do that to family.

The rest of the case, finding Declan, passed in the same way. The whole team staring at Emily like she was a ghost back from the dead. And in a way she was. She was supposed to be dead. Morgan watched her once they finally got Declan back. She was cradling his head like he was her own son. She sat with Declan as his father died, and she comforted him. She pulled him into a hug the way a mother would. She wouldn't let the boy out of her sight until the very last moment. Morgan just watched her, just amazed that she was here. And hurt. And angry. And so many other emotions he couldn't even recognize.

He was playing the day back over in his head when Hotch called him into his office. "Morgan, I need to talk to you," Hotch said to him with a pointed look.

"Yes?" Morgan said stoically, once inside Hotch's office.

"She doesn't deserve this from you. It wasn't her fault," Hotch said to him.

"Deserve what? My emotions? Because that's not just going to go away, Hotch. I am angry and upset and hurt, and that's not going to just go away," Morgan said, hotheadedly as usual. But this time he did have a point.

"I know," Hotch said. "But these seven months haven't been easy for her either. She had to recover from being almost fatally stabbed, and she had to try to rebuild her life all alone in another country with no friends. A new name, a new profession. Everything, Morgan. This is the first time she's been called 'Emily' in seven months."

"She's been alone for a long time. Don't make her feel alone now that you all have each other back," Hotch said, almost harshly. But he was looking out for Emily. She didn't deserve to be alone any longer. And neither did Morgan, or any of the team for that matter.

Morgan kept his mouth shut and just stared at Hotch. "I thought she was dead," Morgan said finally.

Hotch's tone softened. "I know. And I'm sorry for that," Hotch said. "But we had to keep her safe." And Emily's safety was something they Could both agree on. Something that was the most important above all.

Morgan nodded and let his guard drop some. "I'm just glad she's back," he sighed.

"I know. Me too," Hotch replied.

And that was all that really should have mattered. That no matter what happened, or how it happened, Emily came back to them. They got her back, and she was safe.


	22. Chapter 22

She didn't want to leave-not really, but she couldn't stay either. It just wasn't right anymore. Like she told Morgan, at first being back was like coming home. And really, no matter what happened, it would always be her home. This team. JJ and Penelope, who had become like sisters to her-her confidants. Reid and Hotch, who were like brothers to her. Rossi who was like a second father. And Derek Morgan, her best friend and partner.

Just like the building, the cracks inside her after Doyle and after the team gave her the cold shoulder, this cracks couldn't be fixed. Only covered up and hidden form them. And she was afraid she would never be as strong as she once was. God she loved them all. She didn't want to leave them-her family.

She thought to JJ's wedding, and the happiness that surrounded her. She thought of dancing with Rossi and his understanding. She thought of Morgan's arms around her, both of them holding a little too tightly, not wanting to let go. She thought of Reid playing with Henry, and the innocence and wonder on the little boy's face at Reid's magic tricks. She thought of Jack and Hotch who were happy again with Beth in their life. She thought of all the times she went to JJ and Garcia for advice, and all their 'girls nights out.' She specifically remembered 'Brad the Real FBI Agent.' The memories brought a smile to her face.

Emily sighed. She loved her team, there was no doubt about it, but the job just wasn't for her anymore. Or the area. It was too hard to be here anymore. Everywhere it seemed the bad outweighed the good. All the times she had to lie to them, their hurt over it, not to mention all the crappy cases they had... She just couldn't live like that anymore. She needed a fresh start, even if it meant leaving all the people she loved.

She got up from the couch when she heard a knock on the door. She looked out the peephole. It was Morgan. She opened the door and he stepped inside.

"Please don't go," he said.

"Derick, I can't stay here," Emily said, sympathy written all over her face, her voice apologetic.

"But why? Why do you have to leave, Emily?" Leave everyone who loves you? We've got your back, but we need you Em. The team won't be the same without you," he pleaded with her.

"Derick, the job is just too hard to handle now. Everything is different," but she couldn't explain what was different. It just was.

"So quit this job, but stay in D.C. Stay close to us. Please Emily, I don't want to lose you again," Morgan asked.

"I can't pass up this opportunity. These kind of things don't come around very often. Besides, it's just London. I won't be gone forever. I'll come and visit you guys," Emily promised.

"How often? Cause nothing is ever going to come close to seeing you every day like we do now," Morgan said.

"I know. I'm going to miss you guys too. More than you know, but I have to do what's best for me," Emily explained.

He sighed, unable to argue any further, but he pulled her into a hug. "God I'm gonna miss you Prentiss," he mumbled.

"I'm going to miss you too," she replied. And after a few more minutes, Morgan left, and Emily pulled out her strongest bottle of alcohol and tried to ignore her tears.

The next morning Morgan say in his office, attempting to avoid the rest of the team. But Rossi always knew when something was up.

"You went last night, didn't you? To try and changer her mind?" Rossi asked.

Morgan looked up, "Yeah."

"What did she say?" Rossi asked.

Morgan looked away. "She's still leaving."

"You know she has to do this," Rossi said.

Morgan sighed, "Yeah I know. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"None of us like it, but it's something that needs to happen. She's family. She won't be gone forever," Rossi assured him.

Morgan smiled at that, "Yeah, I know."

And that was that. Rossi left Morgan in his office as he continued to think about Emily leaving. None of them liked it, but if Emily thought it was best for her, the team would support her. Because she was family. And that's what family does.


	23. Chapter 23

Emily hesitated before asking Ashley the questions she knew it would be hard for her to answer. Was Ashley's dad still alive? Yes, there was no death penalty where he was. Did Ashley ever visit her father? No, she never visited her father, but he sent her letters. Ashley never opened them. They talked about serial killers having families.

"The truth is, I never even thought about them being fathers at all," Emily lied. She said what any normal person would. But Emily's situation-it definitely wasn't normal.

"No one does," Ashley answered, almost bitterly.

Emily nodded, then hesitated. "The letters... Do you keep them?"

Ashley was quiet for a minute. "Yeah. Is that wrong?" she asked.

Emily took a moment to answer. She thought about the ring on the necklace that Doyle had given her. That she kept locked up in that safe and just couldn't seem to get rid of. And she didn't understand why she didn't just throw it out.

"I don't think there is a right answer to that," Emily answered finally. She had asked Ashley the question more for her own benefit then she would like to admit. She wanted to know that she wasn't the only one to hold on to things that in a normal person's eyes, you probably shouldn't.

Because her feelings for Ian Doyle were muddled. And sitting there in the car with Ashley, the memories flashed back to her. In a sick way, Emily almost admired Ian for what he sacrificed to keep his son safe, but Emily had to remind herself that it was Ian's own fault that Declan was in danger. She knew, however, that Ian had no intentions of giving Declan a better life than him when he grew up. He was going to have his son help him, be a part of the crimes that he commits. And that's where her admiration for the killer ended.

Yet she still kept the necklace. Maybe because a part of her believed that there was really a good man inside of Doyle. And maybe he really did love her at some point in all that time she was undercover. But then she would remember that it wasn't her, it was Lauren Reynolds, an arms dealer, that Doyle loved. And she would hate herself for even thinking about him like that. He was a killer, a criminal. He didn't love her, and anything she said to him was simply to keep her cover.

After that, she knew she had to keep Declan safe. And instead of worrying about Doyle's feelings, she worried about Declan. She kept him safe. He became like the son she never had. She nailed Doyle, got out of her undercover assignment, and kept Declan safe. The end.

Yet she still couldn't get the assignment out of her head all these years later.

And she still kept the ring on the necklace.


	24. Chapter 24

JJ stood in the conference room, staring at the files she had left to do. She couldn't believe they were forcing her into this. It wasn't the pentagon, they wanted her as a female liaison in Iraq.

Hotch walked in the room. "I can't do anything, and neither can Strauss. It's above both of our pay grades. I'm so sorry JJ," he said.

She nodded. "It's okay."

Hotch hesitated before saying, "Strauss wants you to fill out an exit interview."

"An exit interview? Are you kidding me? They're forcing me out of the BAU!" JJ said, outraged.

Hotch nodded. "I know. You know Strauss is very by the book. Even she really tried to keep you here," Hotch said.

JJ's anger faded into defeat. "Only because I make her life easier dealing with a lot of the politics of our cases," JJ said with a slight smirk.

Hotch cracked a smile, "True. But she tried. I'm sorry JJ."

JJ sighed and looked away. "What am I even supposed to say on this thing? They're forcing me out. And the team... What am I supposed to tell them when I don't want to go?" she asked, tears pooling up in her eyes.

"For the report... Just be honest. And for the team... I don't know. They'll understand you don't have a choice," Hotch replied sadly.

"I hope so," JJ said quietly. "I don't want to go, Hotch."

Hotch pulled her into a hug. "I know. We'll miss you JJ."

"I'll miss you guys too," she replied, before pulling away from the hug.

"You leave at the end of the week," Hotch said quietly.

"The end of the week? I still have to train someone!" JJ said.

"They wanted to make you leave tomorrow. And we're not replacing you JJ. We are going to get you back as soon as we can," Hotch assured her.

"Hotch... You can't take my job on yourself. You already have enough work. What about Jack?" She asked.

"Don't worry. I'll manage. You'll always have a place here," Hotch replied.

JJ sighed and looked down at the exit interview,"I should probably do this now..." she said.

Hotch nodded. "Take your time. I won't tell the team anything until your ready."

"Thanks Hotch," JJ half smiled. He nodded and hugged her one more time before going back to his office. They would get her back, damn it.

JJ sat down at the table and took a deep breath before starting the interview. Be honest? How the hell could she do that? She thought about all her time on the BAU, how they became family to her and how they all had each other's backs. And then she thought about this job she was getting forced into. She hated it. But she wrote anyway. And when she finished, she stood up and walked out of he conference room towards the team.

The looks on their faces were heart breaking. They knew she was leaving. And her face betrayed everything she was feeling.

"No..." Emily said quietly, everyone's eyes pooling up with tears.

"You're leaving?" Penelope asked.

"I don't have a choice. You know I don't want to leave you guys, but it's above Hotch and Strauss' pay grade. There is nothing they can do," JJ replied. She looked over at Reid, who looked like he had gotten punched in the stomach.

"They-they can't just take you away..." Reid said, his voice sounding broken and small and JJ's heart broke even more than it already was. She pulled him into a hug and then everyone was crying and hugging and just a mess. She vaguely registered the fact that Penelope had left the group, but she didn't have time to dwell on it with all the hugs and tears.

When she was finally able to break away from the team, she went to Penelope's office. "Hey," she said softly, knocking on the frame of the door.

"Hey," Penelope replied, her back to JJ as she messed with files on her desk.

"This sucks. Don't they know that we're a family? Don't they care?" Penelope asked, turning around to face JJ.

"I don't know," JJ replied. But she knew they didn't care. All they cared about was power and results. Not a team that had become a family. But she knew Penelope didn't need to hear that.

"God, they can't just take you! You're like our glue! You keep us all together, you keep Reid from being to abided by Morgan, and you can keep them all in check and everyone listens to you. We need you JJ!" Penelope said loudly, tears running down her face.

"I'm sure you guys will be okay," JJ replied.

"Gosh and that is one of the ten billion reasons we love you. You don't know how badass you are," Penelope said.

"Hey, I'll still be in the city, probably more than usual. We'll make plans," JJ assured her.

"Yeah but plans get canceled, people get busy, and then we just stop talking!" Penelope replied.

"I promise, they won't," JJ said.

"Good, because I know where you live," Penelope joked and JJ cracked a smile.

"You guys look out for each other, got it? And tell me if anything happens, or if Reid gets a girlfriend or if Morgan keeps one for more than a few months, alright? And Rossi and Strauss," JJ said, knowingly.

"I will be your full exclusive source of BAU gossip," Penelope said, smiling. "And me and Reid get full visitation rights to our godson."

JJ laughed, "Of course, just don't go overboard with the toys again, okay?"

Penelope smiled, "We'll see. I like spoiling Henry."

"Oh, I am fully aware," JJ laughed.

"Oh gosh we're going to miss you Jayje," Garcia said, pulling JJ into a hug.

"Yeah. I'll miss you guys too," JJ replied, before pulling away.

"Do you want to walk out together?" Penelope asked.

"Actually I have one more thing to do," JJ said, holding up her exit interview.

"Oh. Yeah okay. That's okay," Penelope said. JJ could see the tears forming in Garcia's eyes, and left before she started crying again too. She walked to Strauss' office, put the file on her desk, and left before Strauss saw her. She really didn't want to have to say anything about it.

As she walked towards the elevator all her memories of this place flashed through her mind. All the moments, her 'date' to the Redskins game with Reid, her girls nights out with Pen and Emily, her and Hotch's friendship... It all came flashing back, and it was hard to keep the tears at bay. She thought to what she had written for her exit interview.

"I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry, or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."

Except she knew she wouldn't be able to let them go. These were the memories and the people who would be in her life forever, no matter her job or if they even ever saw each other. These were the people She had became a family with and grew with. And no job could take that away. No 'promotion' or new job could take away her family and friends. and in that moment she knew that as long as she had these people in her life, she was going to be okay.


	25. Chapter 25

"Either you will try that again and I will watch you kill yourself, or you will quit, and I will watch you wither and fade. Either way, I win," Askari said.

"No," JJ whispered.

"Yes," Askari said.

"No!" She wouldn't let him! She wouldn't- she looked up. He wasn't there. Askari was dead. It was all her imagination. She was talking to a delusion. Is that textbook? She didn't think so. But Askari was winning. By letting him get to her like this, even after his death, he was winning.

Yes, he took her baby, but she wouldn't let him take anything else from her. She had to remind herself that she didn't have a choice taking the job in Afghanistan. She was forced out of the BAU, she didn't leave by choice. The loss of her child wasn't her fault, it was Askari's.

"No," she said again, this time calmly and with determination.

No. Askari wouldn't take anything else from her. She had a wonderful husband and a beautiful son. She had family in her team, especially in Spence and even with Kate, who had been there less then a year.

No. She had something to live for. She had Henry and Will. She had a great and rewarding job, and great friends. She wouldn't trade any of it for the world. She couldn't let Askari take that from her. He was dead. She was alive. She had that over Askari.

And with one final 'no' she promised herself that she wouldn't let Askari ruin her. She stood up and took one last look in the room, before leaving, more than ready to go home.

Twenty minutes later she walked through her front door, put her work stuff away, and walked up to Henry's bedroom. She stood in the doorway just looking at him for a few minutes before walking over towards his bed and kissing him on the forehead. She then walked towards her bedroom, and turned on the lamp, pulled out her pajamas and got changed.

"Hey you're home," Will said sleepily, his southern drawl even more prominent than usual.

"Yeah. I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you too. You okay Jayje?" he asked, sitting up, seeing the still haunted look on her face.

"Askari... I'm letting him win," JJ replied quietly, sitting down on the bed next to him. She could already feel her determination from earlier fading.

Will moved towards her an put an arm around her, "Sweetheart, you know it's completely normal to be upset around the date of-" but JJ cut him off.

"God, Will. You're sounding like Spence! It's not normal... It's... I was hallucinating Askari. Is that 'normal?' And I made a stupid decision in the field today that could have killed me. I had no idea of knowing..." her voice trailed off.

"Jayje, your job is just one dangerous decision after another. What made this one any different?" Will asked.

"Because I let my emotions get the better of me and I almost didn't care if I got out of there, Will," she replied.

Will was quiet and JJ said, "I can't let Askari win. I can't do that again and let Henry lose his mom. And I can't let this-this feeling take everything from me."

"And it won't," Will said. "This is just a bump in the road. Askari won't win. You're stronger than him JJ. I've seen you kick the shit out of UnSubs, comfort families that have just lost a child, and I've seen you fight for what you believe in. And every time you fight for something, you win. Just by keeping going, you've already beat Askari. You're here and he's not. You've already won, Jayje. Just because a year later, you're having trouble, it doesn't mean he's winning. It just means your human," Will assured her.

JJ laid her head on his lap, "He took our baby, Will," she whispered, tears running down her face.

"I know. I know sweetheart..." Will whispered back. He rubbed her back as she cried, until she finally fell asleep in his lap.

The next morning, a good 3 hours earlier than usual, JJ woke up to her six year old climbing onto her and Will's bed. Instead of jumping on their bed like he usually did on the mornings she was home, he just climbed under the blankets between her and Will.

"I love you mommy," Henry said to her, cuddling up to her side.

"I love you too baby," JJ replied, kissing him on the forehead, feeling better than she had in over a week. She smiled at Henry who was already starting to fall back asleep next to her and she knew that Will was right. Askari couldn't win because she already had. She still had Henry, and she wouldn't let anyone or anything take him away from her. Especially not Askari.


	26. Chapter 26

"Guys! My birthday is Saturday, you're all coming over, right?" Penelope asked, running up from her office to the rest of the team.

The BAU team had traditions for each of their birthdays. The birthday tradition started the year Emily joined the BAU, and had yet to be broken five years later.

For each of their birthday's the team would come over to that persons house and have an evening of whatever the birthday person chose. For Morgan, this meant pizza, hot wings, drinks and watching football. Garcia and Reid would struggle to figure out what was going on, Morgan, Hotch and JJ would try and tell them, an Emily and Rossi would say how soccer was way better. Rossi's and Emily's parties would be a dinner party with expensive wine. Hotch and JJ would both have a huge family dinner where Jack and Henry could play together and Reid would make them all watch Star Trek and eat Chinese food. Garcia's party was like a middle school party. Truth or dare, charades, board games and all.

"Of course we will, babygirl," Morgan said.

"I'll be there," Emily added.

"Same. Henry will stay home with Will. He's off," JJ said.

"And Jack will stay with my sister in law," Hotch assured her.

"Yeah I don't have plans... As usual," Reid said, warning a laugh out of everyone.

"Rossi?" Penelope asked.

"I have a meeting with-uh my book publisher," Rossi said.

"You can't reschedule?" Penelope asked.

"It's her only free day," Rossi replied, before leaving the room and walking to his office. Garcia stared after him and pouted until they all saw Strauss walk into his office.

"A meeting with his publisher my ass," Hotch said with a laugh.

Garcia stopped pouting and said, "Well I guess that's an acceptable reason for ditching."

When Saturday rolled around, everyone was woken up at two on the morning to the sounds of their cell phone going off. They had a case.

"No," Garcia said to them as they got ready for the briefing. "No it's a tradition!"

"Sorry Penelope," JJ said, clutching her coffee.

"You're going to have to reschedule babygirl," Morgan added.

"Well at least this means Rossi can come," Reid said.

"No, my publisher wants to see me as soon as the case is over," Rossi said.

"Sure she does," Emily said with a smirk.

Throughout the case, every time someone would call Penelope she would answer with "Truth or Dare?" and would refuse to hive them answers until they played a round. The best was when Morgan called for info on a suspect and she made him go up behind Reid and hug him while he was working on the dry erase board. And Garcia got video.

When the case was finally over, Garcia managed to get everyone to her house for her party.

"No more truth or dare, right?" Reid pleaded and Morgan nodded.

"Oh honey, truth or dare is first. Now get your food and sit down," Garcia said with a smirk, earning groans from the two men and sighs from the rest of the team who hadn't been the victim of Garcia's dares.

Everyone got their Chinese food off the table and sat in a circle in the floor as per Penelope's instructions.

"Spencer, truth or dare?" Garcia asked.

Reid hesitated. "Truth," he said.

"Okay. How old were you when you had your first kiss and who was it with?" Garcia asked.

"I was... Uh... 23," he said, glancing almost imperceptibly at JJ. But he was in a room full of profilers, so the gesture wasn't missed by anyone.

"No..." Morgan said with a laugh, looking between the two.

"Are you serious?" JJ asked him.

"Wait, when were you guys a thing!" Emily asked.

"Technically we weren't," Reid said, blushing.

"The Redskins game?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah," Reid replied.

"Wait, you were his first kiss?"Garcia asked JJ, laughing.

"Well I didn't know that at the time! It was a peck!" JJ replied.

"Well then, Spencer. It's your turn to truth someone," Garcia told him, still smiling.

"Emily truth or dare?" Reid asked.

Instead of answering, Emily turned to Garcia. "Penelope, I think it's time to bring out the alcohol," she said.

"Oh come one. It won't be that bad," Garcia replied.

"Truth," Emily said to Reid.

"What was your worst date?" Reid asked her.

"Oh God," Emily laughed. "Seriously Penelope, time for the alcohol."

"How bad could it have been?" Morgan asked.

Emily sighed, "It was bad. So one of my friends set me up with this guy and I was supposed to meet him for the first time. The guy dressed really weird for starters. Like he was wearing suspenders and let me remind you, we were in our twenties. This guy turned out to be the type of guy we would have arrested for something. Anyway, so he was staring at me the whole time, and then every time our waitress came he would hit on her in front of me. She was like 16. I ended up purposely spilling my soda on myself to have an excuse to leave. But before I left he asked me to ask the waitress out for him. I went up to her, told her to call the cops, have her a huge tip, ten blocked the creep's number from my phone," Emily said, barely able to finish the story she was laughing so hard.

"Well it's your turn to pick someone," Hotch said, as everyone tried to regain their composure.

"I don't think anyone can beat that," Garcia said, laughing.

"JJ, truth or dare?" Emily asked.

"Dare," JJ replied quickly.

"I dare you to... Try to outdo me in shots," Emily said with a smirk.

"We have to get home somehow, you know," JJ replied with a laugh.

"Oh we all know this is gonna last till at least 4am. We'll be sober by then," Emily said.

"Actually, it takes at least two hours to sober after one beer which is equal to one shot, so depending on how many shots it could take-" Reid started, but Morgan cut him off.

"A long time. We got it pretty boy."

And ten minutes later, JJ had called it quits and let Emily win.

"Hey, I have to watch my son tomorrow. Will is at work," she said and everyone laughed. "Okay, Penelope. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," Garcia answered.

"Hmmm... are you and Kevin ever going to tie the knot?" JJ asked.

"I don't know! Maybe eventually but I like things the way they are right now," Garcia replied. "Everything has just gotten good again with us all together."

"I hear that," Morgan said, glancing at Emily.

"Okay chocolate thunder, truth or dare?" Garcia asked.

"Come in babygirl, you know I pick dare," Morgan answered.

"Even with Penelope's dares?" Hotch asked, remembering some of the fiascos of the past week.

"He's just afraid of what he would have to answer if he picked truth," Emily said with a smirk.

"I am not!" Morgan said.

"Okay, okay. Penelope just give him the dare," JJ said.

Garcia looked between Morgan and Emily and smirked mischievously. Morgan's smirk faded a bit as he said "Keep it Rated PG Penelope."

"How about PG-13?" She fired back.

"Penelope," Hotch warned.

Garcia pouted. "Fine boss-man. Morgan. I dare you to kiss Emily." Everyone's mouths dropped open.

"Penelope!" JJ said, laughing.

"Aw no... Come on Pen..." Emily said, averting her eyes from Morgan's.

"That's so unprofessional," Morgan said.

"So is me trying to outdo Em in shots but we did it," JJ said.

"Yeah come on Derek. I thought you were great with the ladies," Reid teased him.

"Come on handsome, it's a dare," Garcia said.

"I'll go get more alcohol," Hotch said, his way of condoning the dare.

"Hotch didn't say you couldn't you have to now!" Garcia said.

"Hotch! Tell them no!" Emily called. There was no answer. By this time, JJ and Reid were laughing so hard they were crying, Emily and Derek were bright red and Garcia looked smug.

"Penelope..." Emily whined.

"Sorry Em," Garcia said.

"Fine. Just a peck," Morgan said.

"No you have to actually kiss her! Ten whole seconds," Garcia complained.

"Penelope..." JJ said warningly, yet smiling at the same time.

"Guys come on. Can't you pick something else?" Emily asked Garcia.

"Well I could, but I think you'll like this better," Garcia said.

"Really Penelope?" Morgan sighed and she just gave him a look. "Come on Princess," he said to Emily.

"There will be payback for this Penelope," Emily said, as Morgan leaned in to kiss her. A real kiss. A longer than 10 seconds kiss. JJ, Reid, Garcia, and even Hotch whistled and cat called at the two.

"There Penelope. Happy?" Morgan asked when they broke apart.

"More than! You breathing there, Em?" Garcia sled Emily, who was bright red and not looking at any of them.

She nodded, and said, "I'm fine. I mean Morgan isn't that great of a kisser," she joked.

"The 26.7 seconds you two kissed says otherwise," Reid said smirking. "You only had to kiss for 10."

"Shut up Spencer," Emily said. Reid moved to say something, but Morgan cut him off.

"Hotch, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Hotch said.

Morgan laughed,"Okay I feel you. Umm... How's Beth with Jack?" he asked. Garcia, JJ and Reid were still silently laughing.

"She's really good with him. He loves her. He asked her to spend the night the other day," Hotch said with a laugh.

"Will you three knock it off?" Emily said to JJ, Reid and Garcia who were still laughing.

"Princess, they're never gonna let this go. Just grab another shot," Morgan said. Hotch chuckled and handed a drink to both Emily and Morgan.

"You're lucky it's not on camera, knowing Garcia," Hotch said.

"It is," Garcia said. "I had my...phone out."

"Garcia I swear to-" Emily started.

"Don't worry cupcake it won't get posted. Just blackmail. I only started recording after 10 seconds," she said.

"Of course you did," Emily mumbled.

Morgan grabbed cups and poured them all drinks. "To Garcia's birthday," he said, and everyone followed suit.

"Hands down, best birthday ever," Garcia said and everyone smiled.

"Sure was," JJ agreed and everyone (minus Emily) nodded.

"Come on Princess, smile," Morgan said to her.

"Oh shut up Derek," Emily said, but she smirks anyway, and secretly she too believed it was a pretty good night.


	27. Chapter 27

"Mommy, I hungry," Henry complained to JJ, kicking the soccer ball to her. She glanced at her watch- 12:30.

"Okay baby, what do you want?" she asked him.

"Gwilled cheese pwease," Henry said

"Okay, let's pick up the balls and go inside and wash our hands," JJ said.

"Okay!" Henry replied, running to get as many balls as he could carry. JJ picked up the rest, and the ones Henry dropped as they walked up the stairs. JJ helped Henry put the balls away and wash his hands.

"Henry, you want to watch Mickey Mouse?" JJ asked him, hoping to occupy him while she cooked.

"Yeah! Mickey!" Henry said, so JJ turned the TV on and Henry started singing along to the theme song.

She turned on the stove and was getting out the bread and cheese when her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" She asked, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she continued making Henry's lunch.

"JJ, it's Hotch," Hotch answered.

"Hotch, hey is everything okay?" She asked, hoping all was well with Emily.

"Everything's fine. Do you still want to be in the BAU?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah of course I would. Why?" She asked.

"With Emily's supposed death, we have an open job. You could take the classes, JJ. Become a profiler. We can get you back," he said.

JJ stopped in her tracks. "Hotch... Are you serious?" She asked.

"Of course. You've been around us long enough. You would be a better profiler then anyone we could hire from the outside," he replied.

"You know I want to but-" she started.

"But you have to talk with Will. The hours are hard with Henry, I know. I've been down that road before. If you want the job, just come on by the end of the week. You can take the tests and we'll hire you," Hotch said, understandingly.

"Thank you Hotch. I will. Have you heard from Emily?" She asked.

"JJ, you know she can't contact us," Hotch replied.

"I know. I know I was just hoping," JJ answered with a sigh.

"Okay. Well by the end of the week. We miss you JJ," Hotch said.

"Thanks again, Hotch. I miss you guys too," JJ replied.

She and Hotch exchanged goodbyes and she hung up the phone. She looked down at the Grilled Cheese which had started to burn.

"Damn it," she said, taking the grilled cheese out of the pan, and bringing it to Henry in the living room. She smiled, knowing that soon she would be back at the BAU, and not in Afghanistan. The job that had put her through hell.

Later that night, Henry was already in bed, and Will finally got home. He was working overtime, so he wasn't getting home until eight instead of five.

"Hey JJ," he said, kissing her cheek. "The boy already in bed?"

"Yeah, I put him down about an hour ago," JJ replied.

"That early?" Will asked.

"He was practically falling asleep in my lap. We had a busy day," JJ said, smiling at the memory.

Will smiled, "Good. It's been nice having you home with us Jayje."

JJ looked down at her hands uncomfortably, "About that... Hotch called today," she said.

"What did he want?" Will asked.

"He offered me a job at the BAU. As a profiler. They have an open jobs since Emily..." Her voice trailed off.

Will sighed. "You're gonna take it no matter what aren't you?" He asked.

"Will they're like family to me. I loved working with them and I was helping people! I'm not helping people where I am now," she said.

"Well what about Henry? He loves having his mommy home to play with him and take him places. What are you going to tell him?"

JJ sighed and ran a hand over her face. "I know. I know that but I need to get out of this job, Will. Please understand that," JJ practically begged.

"And we need you, Jennifer. We need you home. The hours at the BAU are terrible. Even when you have vacation time, you don't really," Will argued.

"I know. I know it's hard on you guys, but believe me it's hard on me too," JJ said.

"Then why do you have to go back? Aren't you doing the same thing at the pentagon but on a larger scale?" Will asked.

"No." JJ replied quickly. "No, it's not the same Will."

"I thought-" Will started.

"Will, just trust me. It's not the same," JJ said.

"Go back to the BAU then. I can't stop you," Will said, walking towards the stairs.

"Will, don't-don't just walk away like that," JJ said.

"Well what am I supposed to do Jayje? Your going back to the BAU. The hours will suck, you won't be home as often, but you'll be helping people, right?" He asked. JJ nodded.

"Then what more is there to say?" He asked, walking back upstairs, leaving JJ speechless. She sighed and ran a hand over her face. She walked up the stairs to Henry's bedroom. She walked over towards hs bed and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you sweetheart," she whispered. She heard the shower start in the bathroom and sighed, knowing that Will was trying to avoid her. But she knew she was doing the right thing. She couldn't keep doing the job she was doing. Any any chance she had to go back to the BAU, to her family, she was sure as hell going to take it.


	28. Chapter 28

JJ walked into the BAU, once again looking miserable. Kate took one look at her and gave her and gave her a half smile, "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say telling Henry he isn't getting a puppy didn't go well, did it?" Kate asked her.

JJ sighed, "You could say that. He pretty much threw a tantrum."

Kate raised her eyebrows,"Your little angel of a son threw a tantrum?" Kate asked.

"Well we did go back on a promise of getting him a puppy," JJ said.

Kate nodded,"That is a serious offense," she said with fake seriousness.

JJ chuckled, "Yeah well now Henry has been moping and begging all weekend," she said.

"Get used to it, it only gets worse," Kate joked.

"I can't wait," JJ said sarcastically. Spencer, who had been quietly watching the exchange between the two women, got a thoughtful look on his face and walked over to his desk and looked something up on his computer. He then proceeded to scrawl down a number on a post it, and stick the post it in his bag.

"What's up Spence?" JJ asked him.

"You'll see once this case is over," he replied cryptically with a smile, before walking to the conference room.

JJ and Kate raised their eyebrows at each other, "I wonder what he's up to?" Kate asked JJ.

"With Spence, you never know," JJ said with a sigh. Kate smiled.

"I just hope Henry gets over his annoyance with me soon. He's usually a Mommy's boy, but lately he's just been pouting at me," JJ said.

"He's six. Six year old grudges cannot last more than a week. He'll get over it," Kate assured her.

"Ducklings, it's time for the briefing!" Garcia replied, iPad in hand.

JJ and Kate got up and grabbed their files, still deep in conversation about parenting.

The case lasted about a week, and was a particularly grueling one, involving the UnSub torturing and murdering young kids. Everyone was glad to get home, especially JJ, Kate, and Hotch who wanted to see their kids. Wanted to assure themselves that nothing bad happened while they were gone.

"Hey, JJ. Could you bring Henry over to my apartment tomorrow? I got something I want to show Henry," Reid said after making a phone call.

"Yeah of course Spence. What did you get?" JJ asked curiously.

Reid smiled, "It's a surprise. I think he'll like it though."

JJ looked at him quizzically but dropped the issue. "Okay, well I'm sure Henry would like to see you," she said.

"Okay great. I-uh I have to go now though," Spence said.

"What's the rush pretty boy?" Morgan asked.

"Nothing, I just have to go pick something up," Reid replied, packing up his bags. Morgan, JJ and Kate shared glances at Reid's behavior, but didn't have a chance to say anything to him about it before Reid was out the door of the bullpen.

The next day around 10:00, JJ and her six year old made their way up the steps of Reid's apartment building, until they got to his floor and knocked on the door.

A slightly winded Spencer answered the door a minute later and greeted JJ and Henry.

"Hey Henry! What's up little man?" Reid asked, as Henry ran up to hug him.

"Uncle Spence!" Henry said excitedly. "Aunt Penelope got me this," he said, holding out a stuffed dog.

"Really? That's so cool buddy," Reid said, opening his apartment door all the way and letting Henry and JJ in all the way.

"So what is it you got?" JJ said, looking around the apartment.

Reid smiled and turned to Henry, "Hey buddy. I got something I want to show you but I need you to sit on the couch and be quiet for a minute while I get it out of my room."

JJ looked curiously at Reid and Henry did as he was told, as Reid made his way towards his bedroom. Reid went to the side of his bed towards the new dog cage he had gotten, with a little 3 month old beagle inside. "Hey buddy," Reid said, opening the cage door and picking up the puppy, and walking back out to JJ and Henry.

"Oh no Spence, you didn't," JJ said with a laugh.

Reid smiled as Henry said, "Puppy!" about as loud as he could.

"Now, Henry I heard that you couldn't get a puppy at home, right?" Reid asked, and Henry nodded.

"So Uncle Spence got a puppy that you can see every time you and mommy or daddy come to visit me," Reid explained.

"What's his name?" Henry asked.

"I thought I would let you pick, Henry. What do you want to name him? Reid asked.

Henry thought for a moment before saying, "Spot, because he has a spot on his back."

Reid and JJ smiled at the generic name, "That's a great name Henry, don't you think Jayje?" Reid asked her.

"That's a great name. What do you say to Uncle Spence?" JJ said to Henry.

"Thank you Uncle Spence," Henry said.

"Your welcome buddy. Just remember, Spot stays here, but you can come visit him whenever you want," Reid replied.

Henry nodded enthusiastically, and began to play with the puppy.

"Spence, you didn't have to do this," JJ said.

"I know. I wanted to," Reid replied. "Spot can stay with my neighbor when I'm not here, and Henry can visit whenever you guys want," Reid replied.

"Thanks Spence," JJ said, giving Reid a hug.

"Anytime Jayje," he replied, and Henry stayed the rest of the day playing with his Uncle Spence's new puppy.

Spot. The new addition to the BAU family.


	29. Chapter 29

"I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are evil." -J.R.R. Tolkien

Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss was sitting at her desk working on her new assignment. She had seemed to have a steady flow of them since her conversation with her daughter a few years earlier. She couldn't help but think Emily was involved in that somehow, but however the assignments landed on her desk, she was grateful.

But her good mood was short lived as her thought drifted back towards her daughter. Emily. She hadn't spoken to Emily in-God how long had it been? She counted backwards. It had been a good 2.5 years since she had spoken to her daughter. They had scheduled a dinner that, to say the least, hadn't gone very well. Emily's walls were always up around her-and frankly Elizabeth couldn't blame her. She had barely been there throughout Emily's childhood, and that childhood definitely wasn't a stable one. It was one of her biggest regrets, and she wondered if she would ever be able to repay her daughter for her mistakes.

Then her phone rang with news on her assignment and her momentary concern of her and her daughter's relationship was diverted back to her work, as usual. Just like she had for years.

Two weeks later, Ambassador Prentiss was sitting at her desk again when her secretary buzzed her.

"Ambassador Prentiss? You have a visitor. Clyde Easter. He said it's urgent. It's about your daughter," her secretary said.

"Send him up," Elizabeth replied, hoping it was nothing too serious.

"Ah, Ambassador Prentiss. Always a pleasure," Clyde said, shaking Elizabth's hand. "I just wish it were under better circumstances."

"I'll bite. What is it Clyde? Is my daughter okay?" she asked.

Clyde hesitated, "That's, uh actually what I'm here about. You were aware, I'm sure that your daughter worked for Interpol and with the CIA I'm sure?" he asked.

"Yes, of course. What is this about?" Ambassador Prentiss asked.

"It seems one of Emily's assignments was... compromised. One of the men she nailed, Ian Doyle, escaped and came after her... Emily died in the ICU last night," Clyde said, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry."

"No. No, there must be a mistake. Emily can't be dead. She can't. No one could have killed her. She's fine. She has to be. You must be mistaken. That girl's too stubborn to go out like that," Elizabeth said, standing up, her voice raising in pitch and volume.

"Ambassador, I'm sorry. She really is gone. Emily's dead," Clyde said, trying to get it into the now hysteric mother.

"No Emily can't be... She's not gone," Elizabeth said again, her voice wavering.

"Ms. Prentiss, I'm sorry but-" Clyde started.

"She can't be- I haven't talked to her in over two years she can't... I needed to apologize for not being there when she was a kid I-" she had tears streaming down her face, her mind latching to the denial.

"Elizabeth-" Clyde tried once again to cut in.

"She died thinking I didn't lover her, Easter. She's gone and I can't fix it..." her voice trailed off as she broke into sobs. Easter remained quiet, while watching the ambassador's uncharacteristic display of emotion.

"I'm so sorry ambassador," Clyde said again, as Elizabeth started to calm down. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she got a hold of herself.

"I'm sorry about my...outburst," Elizabeth said quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"Your daughter just died. tears aren't always a bad thing," Clyde said.

"No, in my line of work, you can never show emotions," Elizabeth said.

"Well I won't say anything about it," Clyde promised.

"When will the services be?" the ambassador asked.

"They'll be burring her in three days-Thursday. The service is at 3 and the burial is at 4:30," Clyde replied. Elizabeth nodded and the two adults sat in silence for a few minutes, just remembering their own version of Emily.

"Did she go quickly at least?" the ambassador asked.

Clyde looked away, wishing he could at least offer that comfort. "She was stabbed in the stomach with a stake," he said flatly, and the ambassador cringed.

"I guess I ought to be going," Clyde said after a few more minutes of quiet conversation. "If there's something I can do, just call," Clyde said knowing very well that Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss would never ask for help.

"I will," she replied. He nodded at her and left. Once he was gone, the ambassador sat back down in her chair and put her head on the looked up and grabbed the picture on her desk of herself and 10 year old Emily. She clutched the picture to her chest as the tears fell.

Meanwhile, Clyde Easter was back in her office on his computer going through files. There was something fishy with his friends death. He wasn't sure what, but his first tip off was that Emily was being buried. She always talked about being cremated, and he knew fir a fact that it was in her will.

A few hours later, a couple hundred files, and about 10 phone calls later, Clyde Easter cracked a smile for the first time since he heard of Emily's death. He knew a cover-up when he saw one. Emily was alive, probably in France. He knew she loved France... He just felt bad for her family and friends who actually thought she was dead. But knowing Emily was safe was good enough for him.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love." -Washington Irving


	30. Chapter 30

JJ had been staring out the window of her office for the past hour at least, and had only gotten through about 5 case files in that time. It was getting late and the only person still there was Hotch. Morgan had taken Penelope home hours ago, and Reid and Rossi had left as soon as their reports were done.

She looked up to a knock on her door, "Hey, what are you still doing here? The rest of the team went home hours ago," Hotch said.

"I know... I just have all this paperwork and new case files to go through," her voice trailed off when she looked at the size of the pile of files in front of her.

"That pile looks about as big as it was when you started, so what's really up?" Hotch asked.

JJ sighed and looked away, "I didn't even think about it. I just took a man's life and didn't think twice as I pulled the trigger," she replied softly.

"You did what you had to do, JJ," Hotch said. "He had a hostage and you were the only one with a clear shot."

"I know. I know, but does that make it right?" she asked.

"Not thinking about it or actually pulling the trigger?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know, both I guess," she replied.

"Sometimes we have to take out the UnSub to save an innocent life. That's just the nature of the job, JJ. Whether it's right or wrong, that's what we do. As for not thinking about it, are you thinking about it now?" He asked.

"Yeah... I can't stop replaying it in my head..." JJ replied.

"Then you're okay. No matter how many times you pull that trigger, it never gets any easier. You just have to find a way to cope," Hotch told her.

"Well that's reassuring," she replied somewhat sarcastically, but mostly tierd.

"It should be reassuring. As someone I greatly admire once told me, if everything about the job bothers you, then you're okay. When you become numb to it, that's when you should leave," Hotch said.

JJ nodded and smiled a little bit. "Thanks Hotch," she said, pulling out a new file. Hotch nodded in reply.

"Those files will still be here tomorrow, why don't you go home and get some rest," Hotch told her, the exhaustion clear on her face.

JJ looked down at the files, and then back at Hotch, contemplating the offer. Her exhaustion gave out and she began packing up her files. "Thanks again Hotch," she said.

He gave her one of his rare half smiles, "Anytime, JJ."


	31. Chapter 31

Reid was staring out the window of the jet, not in his usual spot, asleep in the couch. It had to be almost three in the morning, and it was a long flight. Everyone else had managed to fall asleep, except JJ. She was going over case files and watching him from across the jet. He had been a little off the whole case. She wasn't sure if anyone else had even noticed, but she knew Spence well. She knew something was up. She got up from her seat and went to sit next to him.

"Hey, you okay?" JJ asked him.

He jumped a little, obviously not having heard her approach. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, but with how tired he was, JJ could easily see through him.

"Come on Spence. I may not be a profiler, but I know when something is up with you," JJ replied.

"No one else noticed anything," Reid challenged her.

"Well maybe I just know you better than them then," JJ responded. "Seriously Spence, what's up?"

Reid sighed, not quite sure how to answer, "I-I don't know...This job-everything has just seemed a little... too much lately. Like no matter what we do, it's not enough. Do you ever get that feeling?" Reid asked her.

JJ gave a quiet laugh, "Are you kidding Spence? Of course I do. My job? I pick the cases we take. I choose what cities we go to. I have to choose who I think needs us the most, and just pray I made the right decision. And if I didn't, then if someone dies it's my fault. It feels like playing God," JJ replied. "And you never forget when you make the wrong decision."

"How do you deal with it?" Reid asked quietly, just then realizing that JJ probably had more to deal with than the actual profilers. She saw everything they saw, and she had her job on her plate.

"The same way all you profilers do, I guess. You compartmentalize. And you have to tell yourself that the deaths you can't stop aren't your fault. Even if you don't really believe it," she replied. "Plus when I go home, I have Will and Henry, who is just so small and innocent...It reminds me of the good that's still in the world."

Reid nodded and smiled, thinking of his godson. "You're a great mom. Henry's adorable. It must be nice to come home to that," Reid replied.

"It is. And you'll be a great dad when the time comes," JJ said.

"You think?" he asked. "Most babies don't tend to...like me."

JJ smiled, "You will, Spence, I promise. Henry loves you."

"Yeah, but he's a couple months old," Reid said with a small smile.

"But he stops crying every time you hold him. And come on Spence, he's the kid of a cop and an FBI agent. I think he's already got good taste in people," JJ said with a smirk.

Reid smiled, a real smile. "Thanks JJ," he said.

"Anytime, Spence," she said with a smile, ruffling his hair and standing up to go back to her seat. "Now try and actually get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay. You get some sleep too. Those case files can wait," he replied.

JJ smiled, "I will," she said, putting her case files that she had sitting out away, and Reid turned to face back towards the window.

He felt something inside him that had been twisted, slowly coming undone, whatever it was. Guilt maybe? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that after his conversation with JJ, the pieces inside him fell back into place. And suddenly it didn't seem all too much anymore. And with that thought, he finally allowed himself to fall asleep for the remainder of the flight.

On the other side of the jet, similar thoughts were going through JJ's mind. By he time she had put her files away, and tried to get comfortable, she saw that Spencer had already fallen asleep. She smiled at the innocence that she knew was still in him, even after everything they had seen. She thought about Henry, who had started crawling, and was always babbling. And she honestly couldn't remember how she dealt with everything before she had Will and her beautiful baby boy. They were everything to her now. Her whole world. She looked back at Spencer one more time, and around the jet at her team who was as good as family. And a few minutes later, she had finally allowed herself to fall asleep too.


	32. Chapter 32

Reid was walking over towards JJ's desk when he saw her pull out a packet of saltine crackers from her desk drawer.

'Saltine crackers?' He wondered, but then it hit him. She was pregnant.

A wide smile came across his face at the thought, "Not you too! Am I getting another godson?" he asked her.

JJ turned, having not heard him approach, but smiled, "Possibly. Maybe goddaughter," she replied, taking a bite of her cracker, and Reid leaned down to hug her.

"Oh my gosh, congratulations JJ," Reid said, and JJ smiled.

"Thanks Spence," she replied.

"Does Will know?" Reid asked.

"Yeah, I told him when I found out a few days ago. We haven't told Henry yet though," she replied.

"He's going to be a great big brother. When are you going to tell the rest of the team?" Reid asked.

JJ sighed, "I don't know. I was just a liaison when I was with Henry so it didn't really matter if I was in the field or not. But now I'm a profiler and full field agent, so as soon as I tell Hotch, he's probably going to start limiting my work in the field..." Her voice trailed off.

"Don't you want to be out of the field though?" Reid asked. "To make sure nothing happens?"

"Yeah, I mean... I don't know... I want out of the field I guess, I'm just not... ready to tell everyone yet..." JJ said, her voice trailing off.

"Why not? Everyone will be so excited," Reid said.

"I don't know... The same reason I didn't tell you guys about Will and me dating at first I guess... Once you tell people that makes it real, and when things are real that's when you get hurt," JJ said slowly, slightly uncomfortable.

Reid's eyes widened in understanding, "You're afraid you'll tell everyone and then lose the baby, aren't you?" He asked.

JJ looked away. "No. I don't know. Maybe," she said.

"JJ, it's more dangerous for the baby of you stay in the field. There is a very low chance anything will happen that wasn't induced by the job. The sooner you tell the better for you both," Reid explained, slight worry on his face, but he was smiling anyway.

JJ sighed. "Yeah, I know I just... I'll tell them soon," JJ said. "I want to tell Henry first though," she said, her smile coming back and her worry fading some.

"Good," Reid said. "I'm sure Henry is going to love having someone to play with."

"Oh gosh yes. He's gonna be great," JJ said with a chuckle.

"If it's a girl Penelope is going to have a hayday picking out outfits," Reid said smirking.

JJ groaned, "Almost half of everything Henry owns is from Pen... I hope I can keep her in check when we go shopping," JJ said.

Reid laughed, "Well good luck with that," he said.

JJ smiled, "I have to get going Spence. Thank you," she said, leaning over to hug him.

Reid smiled, "Anytime JJ," he replied.


	33. Chapter 33

Her heart stopped in her chest for a moment in panic. Could they handle this? Now? After everything that had happened in Afghanistan? Her mind flashed through the past ten years in a panic.

When she first joined the BAU she was the communications liaison. She was so young and innocent. The crimes didn't hit her the way the do now. She was good with the families-interviewing them after they had just lost their loved ones. She supposed this was because she knew how hard it was to lose someone so close to you. She was on top of everything, and could handle the media with ease, even with all the vicious reporters.

Then Elle shot a guy in cold blood. She knew it affected Spence, it affected them all, but Spence felt it the most. She left and SSA Emily Prentiss who could speak several different languages, joined the team. But JJ was still the same. She hadn't known Elle too well.

She supposed she didn't even really start changing until Reid was kidnapped by Tobias Hankle and she believed it to be her fault. She knew now, of course, it wasn't her fault, but at the time she did. And that was what mattered. Seeing Spence in so much pain that day, because of her, changed her. The realities of the job hit her harder. The teams losses were even more her own.

And then she met Will. That evening in the bar with Will made her blush and feel the butterflies in a way she hadn't in a long time. Then she was back to Quantico but her and Will saw each other on weekends. She was happy. She became closer to Emily and Garcia until they were like sisters. Hotch was like her brother and best friend. Reid was what he always was-her baby brother.

She finally felt like a part of the BAU family. She had been for a long time before of course, but now she felt it. She was still working in the background, and she didn't get much recognition, but that was okay. That's not why she did her job anyway.

She could tell when Spence finally quit the drugs-everyone could. She was so relieved about it because it had felt like her fault. That still haunted her-what Spence went through because they split up.

And then Gideon left. His friend from college had been killed and he left without a word. He left a letter for Spencer, knowing he would be the one to check on him. Gideon leaving hit them all hard. It was like losing a family member. But she knew once again, it hit Spence the hardest.

Then SSA Rossi joined the team, coming out of retirement. He didn't fit in right away, but in time he became like a second dad to all of them, especially Emily, JJ could tell.

And then Will again. They worked on a case together and she almost completely screwed up their relationship. She almost lost him because she was scared of telling the team they were dating. Because once she told her team, that made it real. And when things are real, that's when people get hurt. And she always ran from getting hurt. That's what she told Will. But she almost screwed it up because she couldn't communicate. JJ, the communications liaison, couldn't communicate.

And then a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant with Henry. And hen they had the terrorist case and the agent Hotch liked, Kate, was killed. Things spiraled downward. Hotch's ear was messed up, Reid thought his dad was a killer... That definitely hadn't been a high point. But Hingis turned around for a while once Henry was born. Spence became the godfather, and Garcia the godmother. She went on maternity leave and when she came back everything was normal again.

And then the Reaper came and destroyed everything. Hotch's ex-wife, Haley, was killed by the Reaper, George Foyet. He killed her, leaving Jack motherless. JJ didn't j ow if she had hated an UnSub as much as she did in that moment. Seeing Hotch in so much pain, and Jack, so young not fully understanding what was happening.

And then about a year later her life was shot to hell. The FBI brass was transferring her. Not to the Pentagon like everyone thought, but to Afghanistan as a female communications liaison with the hostages.

Then Ian Doyle came and ruined Emily Prentiss' life. Em had to pretend she was dead and JJ helped her. She went to her funeral. Then she was back in Afghanistan again.

She found oust she was pregnant there. There was an explosion. She lost the baby. Nothing was the same after that. She got back into the BAU because of Emily's "death" and it felt so wrong, but she was just so happy to be done with Afghanistan.

Then Em came back and Spence hated them both for lying to him. And she couldn't really blame him.

Eventually everything went back to normal, but then Will was held hostage and almost got blown up and her son was with an UnSub. She decided it was finally time to marry Will after that heart attack. Then Emily left and went to London. Alex Blake joined the team and everything fell into a lull. You know, until Reid's girlfriend was killed and they found out they were being stalked. Rossi and Strauss had been "secretly" seeing each other for almost a year when the stalker killed her. The team just couldn't catch a break.

Then about six months later JJ was kidnapped and tortured by the one and only Askari, that had caused the explosion that made her lose her baby. And it was hell. But then Emily had shown up with the team to save her, as she was working with the BAU to get her back. And she finally told Will about her miscarriage.

The scars healed, people didn't walk on eggshells around her anymore. But she knew. From the second she had been forced into Afghanistan and made the call that cost a team's lives, she had lost all her innocence that she had managed to keep throughout her time on the team. All the loss in the past years had finally caught up to her.

Six months later Spence was shot in the throat and Alex Blake left to take a teaching position. They tried to get Em to come back, but she wouldn't. So the new addition to the team was Kate Callahan.

Around the year anniversary of her abduction, she started hallucinating Askari. She guess she should have seen the PTSD coming from a mile away, but like she told Spence, this wasn't PTSD. The only name she had for it was Askari. She was breaking. It got better, the pain healed again, but she still had scars.

But now here she was, six months later, holding the stick with the little plus sign. She was pregnant. She was going to have another baby. As the past ten years flashed through her mind, what they had gone through, her past year... She wasn't sure she could do it.

But she thought of what the next ten years would be like. The new baby, Henry being a big brother... That thought brought a smile to her face. And she thought of the team. Hotch maybe getting remarried, Morgan and Savannah getting married, Spence finding the right girl, Kate's new baby, maybe even Emily finding someone she could trust and settle down with.

And as she thought about it, she knew that no matter what happened in he last ten ears to break her, the next ten years would make her stronger. And that no matter where her and the team went in the next ten years, they would all still be family. And the next ten years would be beautiful.


	34. Chapter 34

"You're smiling," JJ said softly, looking over at Hotch.

"He turned and looked at her, "I am," he replied simply, before looking back over at Morgan holding Henry.

It was one of those moments he would always cherish, seeing JJ so happy with her family, and the team so in awe at the child. It was amazing how easily they could melt from emotions from hard case to awe at something so innocent. As she looked at Hotch, JJ knew this too.

"Morgan, can I?" Emily asked him, holding out her hands to take the baby.

Morgan smiled, "Here you go, Princess," he said, carefully handing Henry to her.

"He's adorable JJ," Emily said softly, holding Henry close to her, her eyes glazed over in child like wonder.

JJ smiled at her, "Thanks."

And for a few moments everything seemed okay in the world as everyone had a chance to hold Henry. He was like a beacon of light in their dark day and dark job. A necessary one that kept them all from breaking, and kept them all from going home feeling the loss of the day quite as badly.

When it got to Spencer's turn to hold Henry, his eyes lit up and went wide, and he swore he hadn't felt that much love for a person since he held Henry for the first time. He didn't really understand it, except for the fact that Henry was JJ's baby, and he knew he was always going to protect Henry with everything he had.

Hotch was last to hold Henry, and held him for the longest. In that moment, holding his colleague and best friend's son, he was the happiest he has been since before Haley left him. Holding Henry reminded him of when Jack was first born. Of when Haley and he were happy. Before the job messed everything up.

After Hotch finally have Henry back to JJ, she said, "I really should be going. I just wanted to bring him to see you guys. I thought it might make the day a little better."

Everyone nodded and smiled in thanks. "Yeah, keep away from here for a while, would you?" Hotch joked. "Enjoy this time while you have it. It goes so fast."

JJ smiled, "I will," she replied, and after saying goodbye to JJ and the baby, the team minus Hotch all went back to their desks to start packing up.

"Hey, do you know where Jordan is?" JJ asked Hotch.

"Probably in your office if she's still here," Hotch replied.

"How is she doing?" JJ asked.

"Better than expected, but nowhere near as well as you," Hotch replied honestly. JJ smiled at the complement.

"I'm gonna go pop in there then I'll be going," JJ told him.

Hotch nodded, said goodbye to Henry, and gave JJ one of his rare hugs. "Enjoy what's left of your maternity leave," he told her.

"I will. And thanks Hotch," JJ said. He nodded in response and she made her way to her office that Jordan was currently occupying.

"Hey," she said quietly, knocking on the office door.

Jordan, who was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands, looked up with a start. "Oh hey. You aren't supposed to be back this early, are you," she asked.

"No, I just brought Henry in to see the team," JJ replied, pulling Henry's stroller into the office.

"Oh, so this is the little man who has me doing your job," Jordan joked.

"Yeah," JJ said with a laugh. "How are you doing with it all?" JJ asked.

Jordan's face hardened for a second, before determining that the other woman meant no harm by the question and she sighed.

"It's hard... Just trying to do half your job... And knowing what you say could get someone killed? How do you deal with it?" Jordan asked her.

"You just have to know that you did your best, and you did what you could and what the UnSub does after that is not your fault," JJ told her.

"Does that actually work?" Jordan asked doubtfully.

JJ looked away. "Not always, but if you blame yourself for every death, it'll drive you crazy," JJ replied.

"Yeah... It's hard though," Jordan replied.

"I know," said JJ, and they were quiet for a moment in mutual understanding before JJ said, "Well I just wanted to stop in to see how you all were doing and let everyone see Henry, I really ought to be going."

Jordan smiled, "Of course. Bye Henry," she said in a baby voice, putting her finger in Henry's hand.

As JJ turned to leave, Jordan spoke, "JJ...thanks."

JJ smiled, "Any time."

As JJ walked out of the BAU, she had to smile at the innocence that Henry had brought out of her team. The innocence that was still in all of them somewhere. Even Hotch. She hoped she could keep Henry innocent as long as possible. And she prayed that he never saw the things they saw every day. She wished she could protect him from everything-keep him little forever. If only she could protect him from growing up.


	35. Chapter 35

It had been a few weeks since Emily's return to the Bureau, and to put it lightly, Reid was not coping well. They had had a rough case that day, and JJ, Reid, Morgan and Garcia were planning on going out for dinner and drinks.

"Hey Spence, I have to go stop by my house to tuck Henry in first, but I'll catch up to you guys. Can you tell Em where we're going when she's done talking to Rossi?" JJ asked him.

Reid just nodded in response as JJ hurried out of the office so she wouldn't be too late for drinks with the team.

Later that night, Derek, Reid, JJ and Garcia were seated at their table, waiting for the waitress to come and take their orders.

"Hey where's Em?" Garcia asked. "Didn't you invite her?" She asked JJ.

"I had to leave early so I told Spence to invite her," JJ answered. "She couldn't make it?" JJ asked Reid.

"I guess, yeah," Reid responded, swirling his straw in his chocolate milk he had ordered and avoiding eye contact.

The three others gave him curious looks at his behavior, but didn't push the issue and dinner continued on as it normally would. Well... Other than the giant elephant in the room of their conflicting emotions on the whole "Em is back" thing, that is.

The next day, JJ approached her friend, "Why didn't you come for dinner and drinks with us last night?" She asked Emily.

"You guys went out to dinner last night?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, I had to hurry home to tuck Henry in bed first, so I told Reid to tell you... He didn't say anything?" JJ asked her, confusion written across her features.

Emily shook her head, "No one said anything to me," she replied, hurt evident in her voice, however much she tried to cover it up.

"Em I'm sorry... I knew he was still upset but I didn't think he would refuse to invite you to dinner," JJ said, her voice full of shock. "I'm gonna go talk to him. No matter how upset he is, he shouldn't be treating you like this."

"JJ, don't bother. He has every right to be mad at me," Emily said, sounding resigned to the fact that Reid hated her.

"No he doesn't. If he should be mad at anyone it should be me and Hotch. It was our decision. You were fighting for your life, not playing politics," JJ said.

"Well Reid still isn't talking to you, is he?" Emily asked.

"Not like normal, but at least we could get through dinner together," JJ responded. "Ignoring you is just plain childish-it wasn't your fault."

"JJ, just leave it. He'll come around eventually," Emily said.

JJ sighed, "I won't say anything, but I'm making sure Hotch knows," she replied. "And I'll tell you if we're going out to dinner next time."

Emily half smiled, "Thanks JJ."

"Of course. I have to go and give these files to Pen, I'll be back," JJ said.

"Okay," Emily said, and she made her way to Rossi's office.

"Hey kiddo," Rossi said as she walked in. "You okay?"

Emily just sighed.

"That bad?" Rossi asked.

Emily nodded, "Reid won't talk to me, Morgan is on edge around me and JJ and Garcia are over compensating," she said.

"And you are submissively allowing it to happen," Rossi replied.

Emily raised her eyebrow, "They have every right to be mad at me."

"But they have no right to treat you badly because of it," Rossi told her.

Emily just sighed, not quite believing it when he or JJ said it. "I don't suppose you could tell me how upset you are at me?" Emily asked.

"I'm not upset at all. It was Hotch and JJ's decision. They were doing their bests to keep everyone safe. It's not your fault," Rossi told her.

Emily managed a little smile before Hotch called everyone into he conference room for a case.

"You'll see. They'll be okay soon," Rossi told her as they got up together for he briefing. Emily just hoped he was right.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is different from everything else in this series. AU MAEVE NEVER DIED. Child!Reid and future Reid. Remember Reid's imaginary friend, Riley? Right now add borderline schizophrenia to the mix and ba-bamb! This story was created.

Spencer had always known he was different, from his first memories. He understood things other kids his age couldn't. He could read and write and do math all by the time he was four years old.

He knew something was wrong his mother to, she would talk to someone when no one was there. And he didn't understand it until one day he was at the park and a little boy came up to him and introduced himself as Riley. He started talking to the boy until his dad came over and asked him what he was doing.

"I'm talking to my new friend Riley," Spencer said.

"There's no one there," his dad reply angrily, grabbing his arm. But since I knew there was. He could see him. It finally dawned on him that maybe this is what was wrong with his mom, and maybe something was wrong with him too. They both saw things that no one else could. When he realized this he was both terrified and excited at the prospect of being even more special. But his mother was paranoid-he didn't want to end up like that.

Later that night, he heard his dad talking to his mom about what happened at the park.

"You see? You probably passed it down to him this-this disease! He was talking to someone that wasn't there." His father's voice was angry and scared. But Spencer new Riley was real. He had come home with them and was now sitting across from him in his room.

He knew talking to Riley would just make his dad angry, so he decided he couldn't anymore. His dad already yelled at his mom enough, Spencer didn't want to add any more fuel to the fire.

"Riley," Spencer said, "I don't think I can talk to you anymore."

"Why not?" His new friend asked. "We're such good friends already. I don't want to be alone."

"I know," said Spencer, "but it's scaring my dad. I'm the only one who can see you. I don't want to make my dad anymore angry at my mom than he already is."

"But Spencer! You seeing me makes you special!" Riley argued.

"I don't like being special. Other kids don't like it," Spencer said, hanging his head.

"But that's why I'm here, Spencer. To be your friend. You don't need the other kids, just me," Riley replied.

The offer of friendship was tantalizing, too tantalizing for a friendless four year old, however smart he was, to resist.

"Okay," Spencer said. "But my parents can't know about you. I have to tell my dad I just made up an imaginary friend because I was lonely- that I know you aren't really there."

"As long as we can still be friends," Riley agreed.

As the years passed, Riley and Spencer grew closer. Riley was just as smart as Spencer-some would argue even smarter maybe.

By the time Spencer reached high school, at the tender age of 9, he finally understood. His mom had schizophrenia. After a few moments of reflection, he remembered Riley who had slowly stopped showing up around the age of 6. When he woke up in the morning and Riley wasn't there, Spencer had panicked and went to tell his mom before he remembered she couldn't know about Riley be spent the rest of the day miserable until during dinner, Riley had showed up again. He had been so surprised, he spilt a glass of water all over himself.

After that day, Riley's attendance in Spencer's life had been spotty at best, and at 9 years old, Spencer hadn't seen Riley in almost a year.

"Schizophrenia. Riley was because of schizophrenia," Reid thought to himself. Within weeks, Riley was back. But now Spencer ignored him. That was, until Riley got violent. Riley had changed in that year he didn't show up to Spencer. Now he was a tormentor. Like all the other kids at his high school. Except this was worse. Because it was all in his head. That was when he learned that words can hurt just as bad as physical pain.

But knowing what was going on now, Reid ignored Riley. And once again he faded from Spencer's life. This time for years and years.

Until the headaches started. And Riley came back again. Spencer was in his mid-twenties now, and working for the FBI Behavior Analysis Unit. He also knew that Riley was the result of borderline schizophrenia, he had been a drug user, drugs increase the chance of getting schizophrenia, and schizophrenia usually shows up in your early to mid-twenties. So to say the least, he panicked.

And it lasted for months and months, Riley whispering in his ear. The headaches were terrible and he spent those months living in terror that he was going to get what his mom had. It wasn't until Emily's death and he got ideas from Maeve to get rid of the headaches that Riley left. He was finally gone and Spencer could sleep at night again.

Now, six years later, he and Maeve were married with a four year old and a two year old. His beautiful baby girls. The older of the two, Emily Jennifer Reid had his hair and eyes. Penelope (Penny) Diana Reid was the younger of the two and so far looked just like her mom.

Spencer came home from work one day after a hard case and saw his wife's worried features. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Emily was talking to an imaginary friend today," she replied. They both knew the weight of that sentence, and all at once, Spencer felt his world crashing down.


	37. Chapter 37

He knew. Before he even opened his bag and saw Alex's badge, he knew she was gone. She had been jumpy since he had been shot. And sad. She had called him Ethan. Once he heard the story, he knew his being shot had opened a whole other side of her. A side hat couldn't keep doing this job anymore and a side that was completely lost.

As soon as he heard the story, he knew.

"Bye Alex," he had whispered. Goodbye for good, he knew even as he said it. He turned around and looked in his bag and there was Alex's badge. And it was confirmed. She was gone. He slowly walked towards the window and watched her as she caught a cab and was gone.

She was leaving them, just like Elle, just like Gideon, and just like Emily. And it hurt, yes, but this time it was different. He knew she needed to go. He knew what she was feeling, her whole future gone with the past-with Ethan's death. That's how he felt with Maeve for a long time. But it had been a year and a half since then, and he knew Maeve would have wanted him to move on and be happy.

He just hoped to God that Alex was able to one day move on. For her sake. Because there was a difference between moving on and forgetting. When you move on you are able to be happy again. The real happy where everything just feels okay again and everything feels right. But when you move on you never forget.

And he wasn't ever going to forget anyone who had left.


	38. Chapter 38

Derek was quiet as the plane was about to take off. Penelope, on the other hand, was talking non-stop. She was telling stories about things that had happened in the past few years. Some of the stories, Derek had heard more than once, but he didn't care as long as she didn't stop talking. But after Derek didn't laugh after one of her more amusing stories, Penelope finally asked him what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong, babygirl. I'm fine," he lied.

"Honey, you've been quiet this whole trip and you didn't laugh at the Brad the Real FBI Agent story. I will ask again. What's wrong?" Penelope replied.

Derek sighed and looked out the window to avoid answering for a few more seconds. "I just still can't believe she left. I miss her but this trip just feels like rubbing salt in a wound," Derek explained. "She's leaving us and now we have to go see her be happy somewhere else."

Garcia half smiled at him and took his hand in hers, "I know. It hurts but we have to let her do what's best for her."

"Don't say that...I know that, and that's what everyone keeps saying but that doesn't make the pain of being left behind go away Penelope," Derek replied, his eyes showing just how upset he was, but there was something else in his eyes too, Garcia just couldn't...

"You love her don't you?" Penelope asked.

"We all love her," Derek replied cautiously.

"You know what I mean, Derek. Don't lie to me," Penelope said, seeing straight through his facade.

Derek sighed, his silence betraying everything his words never could.

"Does she know?" Penelope asked him quietly.

Morgan shook his head. "I never told her and if she ever figured it out she never mentioned it," he replied.

"You should tell her, Derek," Garcia said softly.

"You know Emily. She doesn't trust people. If I told her she would have gotten scared and just left sooner than she did," Derek replied with a roll of his eyes.

Garcia paused for a moment, considering his words. "You could have changed her. Helped her learn to trust," she suggested.

Morgan sighed but didn't respond for a few minutes. "Well it's too late now," he replied finally. "I already begged her to stay, and she didn't. I'm not asking her to come back, Penelope. She's moving on."

"It's not too late, Derek. Just because she moved doesn't mean you still aren't going to be close," Penelope said.

Derek just sighed but didn't answer, allowing a silence to fall between them. Penelope, realizing she wasn't going to get any more out of him, went back to telling story after story until the plane landed.

"Hey! Derek, Penelope!" Emily called out in greeting, seeing them exit the plane area.

"Emily!" Penelope called, running towards Emily, Derek not far behind (carrying both of their bags).

"Hey, how are you guys?" Emily asked them, giving each of them hugs. "And you're the pack mule, huh?" she asked Morgan.

Morgan held up the bags some in response and smiled "Of course"

"He's always the gentleman," Penelope said.

And so their visit went on completely as planned, with Derek thinking he had missed his chance and Penelope knowing he hadn't.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the chapter Riley.

"Now, six years later, he and Maeve were married with a four year old and a two year old. His beautiful baby girls. The older of the two, Emily Jennifer Reid had his hair and eyes. Penelope (Penny) Diana Reid was the younger of the two and so far looked just like her mom.

Spencer came home from work one day after a hard case and saw his wife's worried features waiting for him in the porch.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Emily was talking to an imaginary friend today," she replied. They both knew the weight of that sentence, and all at once, Spencer felt his world crashing down."

"I-Imaginary friend?" Spencer asked, going pale.

"Spence, I know what you're thinking, but kids do have imaginary friends at this age," Maeve reminded him.

"You both know that with my mother and my borderline there's a chance that-"

"I know, Spencer. I know the statistics. But we can't start worrying like this about it. She might just have an imaginary friend," Maeve said.

"So what do we do, just wait?" Spencer asked, his voice rising with panic. It was his greatest fear, passing on schizophrenia to a kid. And for all he knew, it was coming true. How could he not panic?

"Yes, that's exactly what we do. We wait and we watch, and if we think something is up we'll take her to a Doctor. It's all we can really do, Spencer. You know that," Maeve said, trying to calm her husband down. "We knew this could happen when we agreed to have kids. We talked about it. We agreed that we would deal with things as they happened and right now that just means waiting and watching."

Reid took a deep breath and looked at her, "Okay. Just… keep a good eye on her?"

"You know I will. And I know you will. Just take a deep breath and clear your expression. Emily is getting really good at that little bit of profiling you taught her," Maeve said with a chuckle.

Reid smiled, "That's my girl."

"Yeah it is," Maeve said. "Now come on and see your girls. They miss you. It's been almost a week."

"Yeah I know it was a really bad-" Reid started.

"Hey, no details now, just come in," Maeve said, opening the door and Spencer followed her inside.

Spencer walked into the house and was immediately engulfed in a hug from Emily, Penny not far behind.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Emily and Penny said.

"Hey girls," Spencer said, smiling and returning the hugs.

"Daddy, we missed you! Why are you always gone so long?" Emily asked, the more extroverted of his two children.

"I know sweatpea, it's my job. I have to," Reid explained.

"Why can't you quit?" Penny asked. It was not the first time Spencer had this conversation with his daughters.

"Because my job gives me money, and I need money to buy you toys and music lessons," he told his daughters. They both nodded, seemingly satisfied by his answer.

"Why don't you two go play?" Spencer told them.

"Okay!" they both said, jumping up, Penny lagging behind Emily.

Maeve turned to him, "It would be nice if you were home more," she told him.

Spencer sighed, "I know, but I can't leave the team. We've talked about this."

Maeve's eyes shifted to the floor for a moment, "I know. I know it's important to you..." Her voice trailed off. "Emily seems fine to you, right?" Maeve asked.

"For now, but I can't really tell from one conversation with her," Spencer replied quietly.

"It'll be okay, Spence. Even if she does have it, it'll be okay," Maeve told him.

He nodded, "I know,"he replied, but it didn't feel like everything would be okay.


	40. Chapter 40

It was just your average day at the BAU and they didn't have a case when a woman came in.

"Is there a doctor Spencer Reid here?" the woman asked Garcia, who had just happened to be walking past at the time.

"Uh-yes. Yes there is. Do you need him?" Garcia asked the woman, somewhat surprised.

"Please, if he's not too busy," the woman responded with a nod of her head.

Garcia nodded and walked briskly to Reid's desk. "Spencer, you have a woman waiting by the elevators asking for you," Garcia said with slight confusion.

"Who is it?" Reid asked, his face scrunched up in thought.

"I have no idea," Garcia replied. Spencer got up and followed Penelope to the elevators. As soon as he saw the face, something clicked in his mind.

"I-we've met before!" he said excitedly, before faltering. "I can't seem to remember where though, I'm sorry…" his voice trailed off apologetically.

She smiled like she knew he wouldn't remember her. "We met in a casino in Las Vegas. You were playing the slot machines and told me I should stop smoking. I was a-uh- hooker back then. You gave me the 2k that you won," she replied sheepishly.

"Oh, yeah I remember that. So what are you doing here? Did you stop smoking?" Reid asked curiously.

She laughed a little, "Yeah I managed to quit it. It took a lot though. Actually, Doctor, I came here to thank you. The two thousand dollars you gave me actually got me off the streets. You probably saved my life," she told him.

"Wow… I-you're welcome. What are you doing now?" Reid asked her.

"I got a job as a waitress. A few years later, now I'm managing the place," the woman replied with a smile.

"Wow, that's really great," Reid said smiling. "I never thought I'd see you again, let alone hear how well you were doing," Reid admitted.

"Well Doctor, 2k goes a long way when you've lived on the streets long enough," she told him.

"Yeah-I never did catch your name?" he asked.

"Samantha. Samantha Adams," she told him.

"Well Samantha, it's good to hear from you," Reid told her, in a subtle attempt to end the conversation.

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go out for drinks sometime?" Samantha asked.

Penelope, who had quietly been watching the exchange, looked wide eyed at Reid to see how he would respond.

"I-I'm kind of busy with work and stuff, but uh- thanks for the offer," Reid replied.

Samantha sighed, "I kind of figured that would be your answer but it was worth a shot."

"I'm sorry," Reid replied, glancing away.

Samantha nodded and turned back towards the elevators, while Garcia and Reid made their way back into the bullpen, Reid's face bright red.

"You just got asked out by an ex-hooker!" Garcia said. Laughing at Reid.

"Don't tell Morgan," Reid begged.

"Oh, honey you know I can't do that," Garcia said with a laugh.

"Can't do what?" JJ, who had come up behind them, asked.

"Not tell you all that Reid just got asked out by an ex-hooker," Garcia said.

JJ's face broke into a huge grin, "You're kidding?"

"Nope," Garcia said.

"Okay, okay. You told JJ, just don't tell Morgan. I'll never hear the end of it."

"Hear the end of what?" Morgan asked.

Needless to say, the day became known as the day the ex-hooker asked Reid out.


	41. Chapter 41

Morgan woke up Saturday morning to his cell phone ringing. He groggily checked the caller ID. It was JJ.

"Hello?" he answered the phone.

"Hey Morgan. Can I ask you a huge favor?" she asked him. He heard Savannah stirring beside him and he quietly got up and went into the living room.

"Sure," he responded, "what's wrong?"

"Do you and Savannah mind taking Henry for the day?" JJ asked. "Will had to go back to work last week and I really need some sleep. Spence is at that convention thing with Rossi and Tara, Penelope is working for the other unit today, and Hotch is doing something with Jack today. So you're kind of my last hope."

Morgan hesitated for a moment, he and Savannah had plans today, but he could her the tiredness in his friend's voice.

"Yeah sure JJ. What time do you want me to be there to pick the little man up?" Morgan asked.

"Is nine o'clock okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you then?"

"Yes, thank you so much Morgan. I owe you for this one."

"Anytime, JJ." She hung up and Morgan looked at the clock. He had about an hour to get ready and get over to JJ's house to pick up Henry. He He walked back into his bedroom and put a hand on Savannah's shoulder to wake her up.

She mumbled incomprehensibly for a moment before her eyes slowly opened and she looked up at Derek. "Babe, why are you up so early on our day off?" she asked, glancing at the clock from where she lay.

"JJ called. She sounded incredibly sleep deprived and asked if we could babysit Henry for a day so her and the baby can get some sleep," Morgan said.

"Did you say yes?" Savannah asked.

"Yeah. I have to go get him in an hour. You okay with that?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, of course. How old is Henry now?" Savannah asked.

"He's seven," Morgan replied.

"Ahh, so just old enough that we don't need our eyes on him every second, but old enought hat he's hyper and gets bored eaisly," Savannah stated.

Morgan nodded and sighed, "Yeah, basically."

"Have you ever babysat Henry before?" Savannah asked.

"No, actually. Reid and Penelope usually volunteer."

Savannah smiled, "Well then this should be fun."

The pair got up and got dressed and ready to leave to pick Henry up. One hour, breakfast, and a pot of coffee later, Derek and Savannah were at JJ's house. He knocked on the door and JJ opened it.

"Morgan, Savannah, thank you," JJ said, the new baby in her arms and Henry by her side. "Henry, you ready to go with Uncle Morgan?" JJ asked him.

"Yeah," Henry replied, still clutching his mother's hand.

"Do you have your backpack baby?" JJ asked him. Henry nodded.

"When do you want me to have him back by?" Morgan asked.

"Seven-ish?" JJ asked.

"Okay. Say goodbye to mommy," Morgan said to Henry.

"Bye Mommy," Henry said, giving JJ a hug.

"Bye baby, be good for Morgan okay?"

"I will," Henry said.

Morgan and Savannah left with Henry and ten minutes later after some discussion about what Henry wanted to do, they were at the park closest to Savannah and Morgan's house.

"You want to play with the football, Henry?" Derek asked Henry, pulling a football from the trunk of his car, as Savannah went to sit at a nearby bench.

"Yeah! I was practicing with my daddy yesterday!" Henry told Morgan, excitedly.

"Really?" Morgan asked, "I bet you're getting pretty good."

He threw he football at Henry who successfully caught it, and threw it back at Morgan. "Wow, little man. You've got quite an arm!"

"Thanks," Henry responded, and the two continued to throw the football around, even managing to get Savannah to play with them for a little while.

"Alright you two, I think it's time we go get some lunch," Savannah said after Henry had tackled Morgan for the ball again, effectively getting his pants extremely muddy.

"Aww, okay," Henry said, following Morgan and Savannah to the car.

"Please tell me JJ put a change of clothes in that bag she handed you?" Savannah asked Morgan.

"She did, I checked otherwise we wouldn't have gone to the park," Morgan said.

"Thank god," Savannah replied, opening the door of the car for Henry to get in.

"You buckled, little man?" Morgan asked, once they were all in the car.

"Yup," came Henry's small voice from the back of the car.

The rest of the day passed smoothly; Savannah made grilled cheese for lunch and the three of them played board games, until it was time to take Henry home.

When seven o'clock rolled around, Morgan knocked on JJ's front door. A minute later, JJ opened the door, the baby on her hip.

"Mama!" Henry said happily, hugging JJ.

"Hi sweetheart. Thank you guy so much for watching him today, I really appreciate it," JJ said gratefully to Morgan and Savannah.

"Anytime, JJ. You definitely look better," he said.

"Well that would be because I have more than an hour of sleep under my belt," JJ said.

Morgan laughed, and he and Savannah bade their farewells, "Bye Henry," Morgan said.

"Bye Uncle Morgan, Bye ," Henry said, hugging both of them before they left.

"Today was something, huh?" Morgan asked Savannah later that night.

"Yeah, he's a cute kid though, and you're really good with him," Savannah replied.

"As were you," Morgan pointed out.

"Well maybe one day we'll have our own?" Savannah said, though it sounded like a question.

Morgan smiled down at her, never having thought there would ever be a time that that question didn't scare him. Yet here he was. "Yeah, maybe," he answered.


End file.
